Making Sense

I'm 20 years old. I had my first cell phone when i was 12. At first, it was "a way for my parents to get in touch with me." But it quickly turned into a way for me to keep in touch with a lot of my friends. I'll tell you what, I talked to some people that I had no business talking to, and when my mom found out, she took away my phone. I was so mad, when I was 13. But seven years later, I look back and I'm grateful that I had someone looking out for me and making sure I didn't make big mistakes. Parents know what is best for their children, though the children might not think that. It makes me laugh when I see these 12 year old kids that think they are adults. They haven't learned anything about life and it's horrors. Lol I haven't even learned everything I need to know. All I'm saying is, looking through your child's phone could potentially save their life. Look after your child the way YOU feel is necessary, and don't care what the child thinks. Because they will be mad either way. But when they get older, and more mature, they will realize you were just keeping their best interest in mind.

I'm a 13 year old, and I'm okay with my parents reading my texts, but as long as they ask me first. I love them, but I'd rather they not just read them whenever they feel like it. I like what KarenfromMA said about reading them with the child. Parents, it's true that we do treat phones like diaries. If you go through them without asking, it offends us a little that you don't have trust in us. But if you ask us, we'll let u

To the children commenting on this post and to those children that think their cell phones should be private... you wouldn't think this way if there wasn't something you are hiding or think you might have to hide in the future. If you are living in your parent's home, and using your parent's phone (because technically it is theirs if they bought it and are paying the monthly plan), then there is no such thing as privacy. Especially, when it comes to cell phones. We are pretty lenient with our 12 year old when it comes to entertainment, and how he spends his free time. He uses the phone to text, play games, have his music handy, but he understands that the phone he is using (notice I didn't say "his phone") is an open book. Everything that needs to be downloaded is password protected. We have full access to his phone anytime with or without him present. Have I found things that concern me? Yes. Did it get taken care of? Yes. Part of your responsibility as children is to earn and keep your parents' trust. Once you break that, there is no going back. Trust is the easiest thing to lose in life and yet, the HARDEST thing to get back. This is true in every relationship that exists on earth. You will find that you will have to earn the trust of your employer, you will need to trust your co-workers, your friends. So, does keeping trust between a parent and child go both ways? Yes. Is searching the phone my son uses, invading his personal privacy? To a certain extent, maybe. Do I care? No. One of my jobs is to protect my child. Secrets are never a good thing--they always get out somehow, especially secrets from your parents. Now do I demand a detailed report of day? No. Do I monitor his phone calls? No. He has a certain amount of privacy, but when it comes to using MY phone and when there is a legal liability at stake that could not only change his life, but ours, you better believe that privacy no longer exists. Am I worried that my son doesn't trust me? No, because my day to day routine, extra-curricular, and recreational activities do not depend on my child trusting me to go out alone. Yours do. Your parents need to be able to trust that you will make good decisions in everday life, so when the really hard decisions come around, it is easier for you to do the right thing. Will you make mistakes? Yes. Do parents make mistakes? Yes. This is why the love that a parent has for their child is as forgiving as it is. However, this does not mean that you have a right to take advantage of that love. Pretend that you see a text message on your best friend's phone show up as a notification and it's from her boyfriend or someone you don't know about doing something stupid or illegal. Would you ask him or her about it? Would you try to protect them from getting hurt or into trouble? It wasn't a text message to you or even on a phone that is being paid for by you or your parents...do you still have an obligation to ask him/her about it? Is it invading their privacy or is it protecting them? Maybe you have been worried that your friend has been using drugs and this suspicious text confirms that? Would you go to your friend's parents? If the answer is yes, then you have made the right decision because of your love and friendship for this person. Multiply this by infinity and you might come close to understanding the concern and love that your parents have for you. So to recap, there is a certain level of privacy that you as individuals have, but it is NOWHERE near the amount that you have as an adult in the free world. As long as you live under your parent's (or guardian's---situations vary), your parents decide how much privacy they are willing to give you, and a good rule of thumb to remember is that when there is more trust, there is usually a little more privacy that follows.

I have 5 kids. Two are grown and on their own, and 3 teens at home. We tell our kids when we first give them cell phones that they are to use them to build healthy relationships, encourage others and glorify God. If they are using it for other purposes, it's possible that privilege might be removed until they can use the phone for their's and other's edification. We also let them know that what they text is not really private. If the authorities wanted to get that info, they could. If someone decided to share it with others, they could. If the phone gets misplaced, anyone could pick it up and read it. AND if we, as parents and the ones paying the wireless bill, want to check on what's happening, we might. I've done it once in awhile (when something seemed 'fishy') and many times I'll do it WITH the child so she/he can see what I'm concerned about. Once my daughter preferred to read the texts to me. Knowing this child, I knew she'd tell me the truth about what was written, even if I didn't want to hear it. It ended up being a long, but very good discussion of how we should expect boys to treat women. It's important to keep in mind the big picture. Soon, they will be texting on their own (college). You're training them for that time. If you suspect illegal/immoral behavior going on, I would definitely go ahead and read the texts. The police will, if they have to investigate. Kids are not really ready or equipped to deal with that level of privacy but that's the society we live in so we need to help and protect them. My husband has my permission (and I have his) to look at who I call, read any text, or check my browser history whenever he wants. He doesn't but if he thought I was doing something harmful or dangerous, he would because HE CARES. We are all accountable to someone in life. Especially our children. The idea of total independence is a fantasy. We have privileges and responsibilities, especially to the people we love and love us. It's a blessing to have that, not a curse.

Stay calm and talk with her. Don't go all crazy, even if inside is! Just talk calmly. Have her explain why this is on her phone. Why it's maybe not good. I have explained to my teens I can check their phone if I need to, at any time. It is a privilege that can be taken away. Do they like it Nooooo!! as below stated. But as a parent it's our job to protect and teach. Not an easy task by any means!! My husband and I are constantly learning how to keep up with our teens everyday. Good luck with your girl, remember to remind her how precious she is to you and how much she is loved!

NOOOOOOOO!