Cell Phones Tips
The facts: 2/3 of teens have cell phones
- Cell phones are the #1 form of communication for teens
- 70% of teens talk daily with friends on a cell phone
- 60% of teens send text messages daily
- More than half of kids ages 8 to 12 will have cell phones within the next three years
Advice and Answers
Is there really that much to talk about?
You hardly see teenagers these days without a cell phone in their hands. And even while hanging out together in person, kids are often texting or talking to others on their cell phones. Admit it, when you were a teen your parents probably thought you talked too much on the phone as well. But is this constant contact too much of a good thing?What are they?
Cell phones have become a must-have accessory for nearly every child. There are simple phones designed for elementary school kids like Verizon’s LG Migo. It lets a child call up to five pre-assigned numbers. Then there’s the more expensive AT&T's Firefly, which 20 preprogrammed numbers and only accepts calls from pre-programmed numbers.
But most kids 9 and older won’t carry a “kiddie” phone. They want the ones with many ring tone options, cameras, video recorders, MP3 players, and most of all, texting (SMS) ability. With cell phones, kids are in constant contact with the world. And new “smart” phones come with WiFi Internet connectivity, placing the world in your child’s pocket.
Why they matter
Kids have portable and private access to the world – without you there to monitor what they’re saying or sending, or who they’re talking to.
Unfortunately, this access provides a means that kids text when they should be paying attention to what's going on around them. It also means that kids can use the powerful communication tools irresponsibly. Humiliating texts, photos, and videos captured on phones can be sent instantly or uploaded to Web sites. This form of cyberbullying can happen swiftly and pretty anonymously.
Texting has also led to cheating in class as kids noiselessly text answers to each other. Kids also text late into the night because you won’t hear them. Another few reasons cell phones matter: They can distract kids from what’s going on around them and they can be expensive. Mobile phones, and the monthly plans that support texting and Web access, can cost a small fortune.
Parent tips for elementary school kids
- Ask yourself: Do they really need a phone? Is it for safety reasons? Or because "everyone" has them?
- Make sure young kids understand the rules. If your kids have phones, make sure you have programmed everyone’s numbers into the phones so that they display the names of who is calling. Tell them not to answer calls from numbers they don’t know. Make rules for time spent talking, what phones are used for, and make sure they know when the phones should be off.
- Young kids don't need texting.
Parent tips for middle school kids
- Make sure you have the right plan for calls or texts. Phone plans range in minutes and texts allowed. If you have tweens and teens, get unlimited texting or you’ll face huge bills.
- Explain cell phone are expensive – extras cost money. You may be billed for ring tones, sports updates, or Web access.
- Work out guidelines for use with your kids. No phones in class, turn off the phone at night, and no phones at the dinner table are a few best practices.
- Make sure your kids are using phones appropriately. That means no rude or sexy texts, no embarrassing photos or videos. For younger kids, monitoring their messages sent and received boxes is not a terrible idea (although they will think it is). You also should check the time of calls to make sure they are made within your established boundaries.
- Talk about cyberbullying. Tell your kids to come to you if anything happens. And check their outgoing messages from time to time to make sure their communication is appropriate.
- Tell your kids that sexual talk of any kind is not allowed. Kids often jokingly use sexual language and sexually aggressive speech. Yet on a cell phone, it can be instantly forwarded to anyone out of context and kids can get into all kinds of trouble.
- Establish real consequences for violations of your rules. Like taking away the phones for a week!
Parent tips for high school kids
- No texting or talking while driving. Never. That’s how kids get into traffic accidents – the #1 killer of teens.
- Make sure they pick up your call. Many teens treat incoming calls from mom and dad as a nuisance. As long as you are paying the bills, make a rule: They have to answer when you call.
- Have them review each month’s bill. Let them see precisely how many minutes they are spending on the phone or texting.
- Make sure you anticipate increased minutes. By the time they get to high school, the phone is ringing all the time.
- Draw boundaries. No phones at the dinner table. In the car. In a restaurant. Remind them they have only a couple of years left at home to have annoying conversations with you face to face!
Parents developing a strong relationship with your child starts the minute they are born. Not when you realize they're growing up. If ur child thinks they have a right to anything you supply them put them in their place and start over because obviously uve slacked off as a parent. Est an open line of communication so you can give them the rock hard truth about the matter. Ex: Teen sex=BAD EXPierences!! from being labeled loosing respect from peers, and increasing the odds of not finishing school. your child should be more envolved with sports and extracurricular activities and academics so they can be the "hot Chicks and Hunks" they wanna be whn the time is right that means college folks. Besides, Bcuz of privacy laws who knows who has AIDS HIV HPV STDS ya dig?!
I think that Im gonna be a relatively young mom when my daughter gets that old for safety reasons. I had a cell when I was in middle school as well as a pager, I think that it taught me responsibility and it also gave me more freedom, however, I and it got me into trouble and made matters worse. I however plan on not being as strict and concealed as my parents and intend to keep an open relationship with my daughter. So "kids" just to let you know you may think your cool and all grown up but even texting and/or talking about sexual things or pretending that you've engaged in that type of activity will scar you and you'll get a label that won't go away. Ruining your oppertunity to develope fun and mature relationships that can actually last a life time. Also, kids that had ruined themselves try to bring other kids down with them to make them feel better about it so trust that they'll be the first ones you tell and the first ones to tell everybody else.
I think that Im gonna be a relatively young mom when my daughter gets that old for safety reasons. I had a cell when I was in middle school as well as a pager, I think that it taught me responsibility and it also gave me more freedom, however, I and it got me into trouble and made matters worse. I however plan on not being as strict and concealed as my parents and intend to keep an open relationship with my daughter. So "kids" just to let you know you may think your cool and all grown up but even texting and/or talking about sexual things or pretending that you've engaged in that type of activity will scar you and you'll get a label that won't go away. Ruining your oppertunity to develope fun and mature relationships that can actually last a life time. Also, kids that had ruined themselves try to bring other kids down with them to make them feel better about it so trust that they'll be the first ones you tell and the first ones to tell everybody else.
im 17, yes i think it it is worng for parents to go through every text that they get, but then again i dont want my 13 year old sister getting texts like that, the best thing for parents to do ask are they getting texts like like that and tell them that they wont get in trouble if they are(say it and mean don't tell them they wont and then ground them for it it will only make them lie to you more and do it more often)
one more thing to look at is what "GYMNAST_4_LIFE and Starstrukk" said one its gonna happen to we can just delete the texts.
I see posts for several teens or kid here, that are upset you are viewing your childs texts, or tell you not to meddle. I want to applaud you for being interested. My suggestion is to talk to her directly, dont accuse here, but tell her you are concerned., I have a rule with my kids that I can read their texts whenever I choose, if they dont like it they dont get a cell phone.
Most of the kids posting here seem to think that they have a "right" to use their cell as they choose. WRONG, you guys are still kids.
Child privacy is a bogus term made up by teens, your privacy is available when you pay for your own apartment, cell phone, etc.
i love to text it is fun
It's a parents' right to review the texts. Just as you would want to know who is talking to your child in real life - know who they are communicating with on the cell phone or online!
www.NetSmartz411.org
you shouldnt have been looking through her privacy and anyway kids arent stupid we know how to delete texts
If you were spying on her purposly, she will EXPOLDE. I don't text much, but if i did, i would FLIP OUT if my parents read my texts.
First of all, this message was from HER FRIEND TO HER. That means her friend has that on the brains, not your daughter. It would be a whole 'nother story if she typed the text.
And it all depends on how you raised her. I, for example, would text, "Can we not talk about that over the phone? It's kinda awkward to text that, no offense." back to my friend. If your daughter grew up around all of that type of "stuff" (cough cough, wink wink)
Then you should be concerned. Plus, she probably saw or heard stuff when you wern't there.
Calmly tell her that You happend to see one of her texts.
Tell her you wer'nt spying on her is any way or had any intention to spy. Ask her about this text and say that you don't want her to text this kinda stuff.
DO NOT YELL OR RAISE YOUR VOICE!! It will make her feel like you don't trust her, and that you are controlling her. Calmy sit down and have a talk. Let her say her point of veiw.
I am an 11 year old girl, so i know wat it's like even tho i don't rlly text a lot. I would text tho cu z i just got a new phone!
If you were spying on her purposly, she will EXPOLDE. I don't text much, but if i did, i would FLIP OUT if my parents read my texts.
First of all, this message was from HER FRIEND TO HER. That means her friend has that on the brains, not your daughter. It would be a whole 'nother story if she typed the text.
And it all depends on how you raised her. I, for example, would text, "Can we not talk about that over the phone? It's kinda awkward to text that, no offense." back to my friend. If your daughter grew up around all of that type of "stuff" (cough cough, wink wink)
Then you should be concerned. Plus, she probably saw or heard stuff when you wern't there.
Calmly tell her that You happend to see one of her texts.
Tell her you wer'nt spying on her is any way or had any intention to spy. Ask her about this text and say that you don't want her to text this kinda stuff.
DO NOT YELL OR RAISE YOUR VOICE!! It will make her feel like you don't trust her, and that you are controlling her. Calmy sit down and have a talk. Let her say her point of veiw.
I am an 11 year old girl, so i know wat it's like even tho i don't rlly text a lot. I would text tho cu z i just got a new phone!
conscience1 writes: "Do you think we want every aspect of our digital life revealed to prying eyes?"
Well, that is exactly the problem that teens are seemingly unaware of. Just because you deleted off YOUR OWN phone, does not mean it has been deleted off the phone on the other side of the conversation. Messages can be saved, and forwarded, and amended however someone else wishes, and "frenemies" really do exist. That "close friend" you have today, may turn on you tomorrow (either being mean or joking around), and guess what? S/he may have some very juicy texts or photos that you sent to him or her. Once you have put something in print/text/post, you have given up ALL control of privacy, my dear. The prying eyes of your parents are because they love you and care about you, and care what happens to you. The prying eyes of the rest of the world are because they would love to see you suffer. Try having a verbal conversation in private -- your words will go no farther than the ears in front of you. After that, it's just heresay. And if you can't say it to their face, then you shouldn't be saying it any other way.
haha starstrukk u rule.
i agree. kids know how to DELETE messages. not that hard. if they know you're checking, it won't help them be appropriate, it will help them get pissed at you and delete their messages after reception. btw, this article portrays texting as bad and unnecessary. not only teens do it, and its not just social.
she is 13... you have 4 more years of this let it go!!!! its going to happen either way. through txting or at school. let her be her self and get over it!!!! you have to let her grow up!:/
im with u starstruck
As a teen, I think it's great and everything about how you care about kids. But there is a boundary line between caring, and knowing every message and call they make. Tip for teens: Clear inbox daily or right after you get a bad text. It will keep assuming parents from judging and talking about you on commonsense:)
This may be off topic, but I feel that this article needs to be reviewed.
With this article, "common sense" media has done the thing which they talk out against in many articles; they have relied on stereotypes. The point that they mainly messed up on is the fact that not every teen spends most of his waking hours on the phone texting and doing other things like sending inappropriate messages. Another thing that all parents (and common sense media) should realize is that we teens need privacy in our lives. Do you think we want every aspect of our digital life revealed to prying eyes? Inappropriate messages are still inappropriate, however and should not be sent.
This is your conscience speaking.
I wonder what you would plan to say to her. If you intend to forbid your daughter from talking to this friend or from talking in certain ways, you are doing nothing but a disservice to her. We live in a world that is full of "risqué" stimuli, and attempting to censor it from your children is nothing but a disservice to them. Children learn about who they are and where they fit into the world by experiencing it. If you try to control everything that your daughter sees, the world will be a hard and fast shock to her when she leaves the safety of home. You may want to ask her whether the message made her feel uncomfortable, but keep in mind that she may consider you going through her phone an invasion of her privacy. Try as you might to assert that, she, as your child and as a minor has no right to privacy, it will not do anything to strengthen your relationship as a parent to your children. It is much more important to have a realistic outlook on how your children experience the world because if they know that you are comfortable with how they develop into adults, they will be more likely to come to you if they really do have a problem. Keep in mind that going through something that your daughter believes to be private may seriously tarnish your relationship with your children – a relationship that will become increasingly important as they go off into the real world.
Absolutely. I am a teen too, and personally, I would want my parents to look at my text messages. If such a situation happened to me, I would want my parent to bring it up so I wouldn't have to. Your teen is probably embarrassed and scared and needs you to help her, she's just too embarrassed/scared to ask herself.
I think it's also good for her to know that you are monitoring her text messaging. That way it helps her to be appropriate, knowing that you are going to be checking. You might be interested in reading my blog post on what our family recently did about cellphones. It seems to be working pretty well! http://themomblog.freedomblogging.com/2008/10/18/mommy-im-still-in-your-...
im sorry, but i am a teen and i think it is horrible to go through your son/daughter's text messages. that is there own thing and if you let them have texting you should trust them enough to use it without your interference.
I strongly agree that parents should talk with their teens about this. I also found an inappropriate text message from a boy on my daughter's cell phone. It was a good teaching opportunity to not consider it merely a "joke" but not to let anyone talk with her that way. I think its particularly dangerous that our girls can be texted this way, and unless they are taught that its unacceptable, they can be at risk of sexual harassment or even worse.
Are you kidding?
It's your job as a parent to look into this. This is an excellent way to start a conversation. It wasn't your child that wrote it but it is in HER phone. Ask her how to handle it. Teens are nearly as ego-centric as toddlers. Help them think from anothers perspective
As a teen, I believe that as long as your children know the consequences of their actions, they should be allowed to say what they need to say. This is a free country after all. Yes, there are certain rules that need to be followed, but sometimes parents need to let their kids find some things out themselves and create their own values. :)
I agree with Teachermom. My friend read her 14 year old son's cell phone text messages and discovered that he'd sent a message to a friend referring to her as you "naughty sexy kitten". She asked if he would ever say that to the girls face and his horrified response was "No way!" that would be too embarrassing. It opened up a really good discussion about why kids feel less inhibited to say these things online, whether that's okay or not, and the mom's own feminist views about language that is degrading to women.
Yes, but gently. She's not the author of the risque message; she's the recipient. You want to make sure she's not being harrassed or dealing with a situation that is embarrassing/tense for her. Also, you want to make sure the young person knows how easily this type of texted conversation could "go public" or be taken out of context. Middle school kids have a hard time believing this could happen. Use this as a way to keep communication lines open between the two of you.