Cyberbullying Tips

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What you need to know

The facts: 43% of teens have been victims

  • Cyberbullying begins as early as the 2nd grade for some children
  • 53% of teens admit sending a hurtful message
  • Most victims know the person bothering them
  • Only 10% of bullying victims tell their parents
Advice and Answers

Hurting someone with a simple click

The recent suicide of a South Hadley, MA teen is the latest in what seems to be weekly news of another tragic victim of cyberbullying. As more and more kids discover new ways to share information, they have unfortunately found more and more ways to harm each other. Just as nasty comments in a playground can cause a lot of pain, cyberbullying can really hurt our kids.

What is cyberbullying?

Whether it's creating a fake Facebook or MySpace page to impersonate a fellow student, repeatedly sending hurtful text messages and images, or posting cruel comments on the Internet, cyberbullying can have a devastating effect. Nasty comments, lies, embarrassing photos and videos, and snide polls can be spread widely through instant messaging (IM) or phone texting, and by posts on social networking sites. It can happen anytime -- at school or home --and can involve large groups of kids. The combination of the boldness created by being anonymous and the desire to be seen as “cool” can cause a kid who normally wouldn’t say anything mean face-to-face to show off for other kids. And because it's happening in cyberspace, it's almost always completely undetectable by parents and teachers.

Why it matters

Nothing crushes kids’ self-confidence faster than humiliation. And just imagine a public humiliation sent instantly to everyone they know. Sadly, hurtful informa¬tion posted on the Internet is extremely difficult to prevent or remove, and millions of people can see it. Most cyberbullying happens when adults aren’t around, so parents and teachers often see only the depression or anxiety that results from being hurt or bullied. This emotional damage can last a lifetime.

Parent tips for all kids

  • Give them a code of conduct. Tell them that if they wouldn’t say something to someone’s face, they shouldn’t text it, IM it, or post it.
  • Ask your kids if they know someone who has been cyberbullied. Sometimes they will open up about others’ pain before admitting their own.

Parent tips for elementary school kids

  • Keep online socializing to a minimum. Let them use sites like Webkinz or Club Penguin where chat is pre-scripted or pre-screened.
  • Explain the basics of correct cyber behavior. Tell your kids that things like lying, telling secrets, and being mean still hurt in cyberspace.
  • Tell kids not to share passwords with their friends.

Parent tips for middle school kids

  • Monitor their use. See what they’re posting, check their mobile messages.
  • Tell your kids what to do if they’re harassed. They shouldn’t respond or retaliate, they should block bullies immediately, and they should tell you or an adult they trust. They shouldn’t delete the messages because in persistent cases, the content should be reported to a cell or Internet Service Provider.
  • If your kid is doing the bullying, establish strict consequences and stick to them. That goes for mean or sexual comments about teachers, friends, and relatives.
  • Remind them that all private information can be made public. Posts on friends’ walls, private IMs, intimate photos, little in-jokes can all be cut, pasted, and sent around. If they don’t want the world to see it, they better not post or send it.
  • Don’t start what you don’t want to finish. Game chat can get ugly fast. Make sure your kids are respectful because hurtful retaliation happens all the time.

Parent tips for high school kids

  • Tell kids to think before they reveal. At this age, kids experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teens that anything they post can be misused by someone else.
  • Remind them they aren’t too old to ask for your help. There are things some kids can handle on their own, but sometimes, they just need help. Coming to their parents isn’t baby-ish, it’s safe.

Download resources in Spanish

Download our Cyberbullying Tip-Sheet in Spanish
Our Community Says

Should I tell the principal at my child's school if he's being bullied?

There are 16 community opinions on this topic

Join in on the discussion

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Posted by clubpengin101 on 02/7/2010 (kid contributor, age 7)

WOW we talked about Ryan in history and about cyberbullying cant belulive i would find it here.

Plague
Posted by Plague on 02/4/2010 (parent contributor)

Cyberbullying is easy to avoid and stop. If you are on a site in which you are being cyberbullied, the number 1 thing to do, is close out of the program. But if you feel like you need to confront this bully, all you need to do is beat him with intelligence. Some people say all bullys are dumb, and most of the time thats true. But bullys who choose the internet to prey on their victims are just pathetic, and can easily be beaten with words. So while the bully is cussing you out with words that arn't even in the Urban Dictionary, you are remaining calm, using the bully's stupidity against him, and either making him mad, confused, or hopfully both. If you know the guy/girl who is bullying you, and he/she uses life threatening language, I would either consult your local police station, or tell someone you fully trust about it. But if its just some random troll, I wouldnt worry about a thing. Its just making him look that much more like an idiot.

Posted by Icalasari on 01/30/2010 (adult contributor)

Meh, I just troll the trolls back myself

No big deal. If you stand up for yourself, they leave you alone, finding you boring

And if you do a good enough job trolling them back, then you will have quite a story :D

Posted by Mimi9496 on 01/30/2010 (parent contributor)

Ignoring it may be the way to go when you are bullied at school, but pretty soon the hurtful words are kept inside and cause further damage emotionally if you don't let someone know, or get out your feelings. My daughter was bullied all year last year in her 7th grade. After repeated complaints to the school counselor, nothing was done. My daughter suffered humiliation when pushed and put down in gym, embarrassment in the hallway between classes and then text messages that were hurtful. We brought the phone to school to show the principal. The other child was talked to, but again, nothing done. My daughter tried to ignore it, and it just kept her from having good days in school. Why would anyone want constant bullying?? Gotta do something about it. Finally after telling the school the Board of Ed. would be called.. this girl is no longer in any of my daughter's classes, and does not see her during the day. Ignoring it is good when you are being faced by it at school, cuz then the kid who is doing the bullying loses that power that they think they have... BUT make sure you share this info with someone, an adult, counselor, or someone, because it is a real issue, a real problem, and could lead to worse matters.

worstsitever
Posted by worstsitever on 01/29/2010 (kid contributor, age 11)

Oh nice going CSM, reposting an old video. I'm actually bullied in person at school much more often. Although almost every kid on my bus or in my advisor base (homeroom) has a facebook account. And they're underage. It's common for me to try to engage in a conversation with a fellow classmate, try to tell him/her something and then hear abruptly: "Shut up Nick, nobody likes you.". Does it get to me? NO. I simply ignore it (despite my short temper). And the fact that somebody would commit suicide just because someone called them "gay" is just a tad ridiculous. You know what I'm reffered to across the school? "the weird kid" or "the weirdo" or something like that. Pretty mild huh? But usually in my lunch line there's one kid who would say: "Nick's retarted" or "Nick's a ****ing homo". Do I take it seriously? I don't, Ieave it alone. You know why only 10% of kids report it? Because the other 90% just IGNORE IT.

Posted by madaco on 01/28/2010 (teen contributor, age 13)

teach them to script :3
for example is someone is insulting you on a chatgame, you can write a php(stands for php hypertext processor, recursive names ftw) script that makes a spare avatar of yours follow their avatar wherever they go! or if they send something rude on youtube just block the comment/user(does not use scripting)

or teach them to ignore comments and put people on their ignore list (a common feature)
or both
or whatever this article says and teach them to script anyway because learning to script is usefull for other situations
like building webpages, or their own online games, where they can build in anticyber bulling featurex :3

kaze19
Posted by kaze19 on 10/18/2009 (kid contributor, age 12)

I just get so angered by this when I hear about people who are actually going on to internet and doing this, I feel sorry for the people that have to put up with these timewasters.

The best thing to do is to just ignore it and if the harrasment continues you should tell someone.

Posted by lilmissfrankie on 10/3/2009 (kid contributor, age 10)

lol this video stinks and i thought it was funny when someone said where do u shop at? and then the other girl said uh goodwill? what is that? but still yeah u should make sure your kids dont feel depressed or anything beacause a lot of ppl in this world commit suicide

Posted by bookworm_grl on 09/11/2009 (kid contributor, age 12)

I know that its a habit for teens and up to harrass, bully, or swear on the computer. MANY chat web sites should have monitors, its best to just not bother with internet chatting. Email chat {like gmail} is ok cuz u know that person that your chatting with. {there on your contact list}.

Posted by num1snook on 07/8/2009 (teen contributor, age 14)

I was cyber bullied once it was on Animal crossing: Wild World for the nintendo DS I was on a site for all 3 animal crossing games and someone put up a contest for dress up (I didn't know it was a fraud) But uh anyway I went to the contest and the host ask to see my rainbow feather real quick to try it on he had some other of his friends with him they were not contestents in the contest bt anyway he stole it and wasn't giving it back so I went and got my Dad and he started swearing at the people who stole it (wich the swears got blanked out) and I was mad cause they kicked us out as you know I was REALLY mad (beacause it was a gift from a friend) and I never got it back I removed that guy from the friends list and I went to the computer and reported the fake contest to a modater and they didn't bother to ban the guy that stole it they said there nt responsible for online actions BUT THE CONTEST WAS ON THEIR SITE IT WAS A FRAUD AND IN RESULT OF THAT FRUAD TO STEAL A VALUBLE ITEM I GOT SOMETHING STOLEN! got the point good glad I got that off my chest...ayway thanks for reading!

Posted by lover4 on 06/1/2009 (parent contributor)

my 11 year old has been cyberbulled but i helped her in that time and now she is a happy 12 year old

Posted by sega3dmm on 05/31/2009 (teen contributor, age 14)

And sometimes, I cyberbully as well to let my feelings out, but I usually apologize. And school bulling for me (as for elementary) was like teachers abusing and mocking you. I was also beaten up in grade 5 twice in the same day by a classmate of mine, and he was NOT your typical bully who would just tease-and-go (I wish not to go further on this). One guy in my middle school's autism program calls me gay.

Posted by sega3dmm on 05/31/2009 (teen contributor, age 14)

I am frequently cyberbullied, and it's far worse than just "dued yur vidoe suks!!!!!!1!!LOL." People online have insulted, rumored about, and made sexual references to me. The worst part is that it's a website I love and there are some really cool people on it. How do I deal with it? I just keep on going.

Posted by rylie on 04/26/2009 (teen contributor, age 15)

honestly... in high school/middle school. people are going to make fun of you whether its public, private or online.
you have to ignore it. it happens to EVERYONE at some point.

Posted by Hatshepsut1977 on 04/1/2009 (parent contributor)

Yes, I know a child who felt she had no support from parents, school or friends and she committed suicide.

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