How do you manage your kids' pop culture obsession?
I realized my oldest son's interest in the original Star Wars movies had grown into a full-blown obsession when he first began incorporating facts about George Lucas' mythology into everyday conversations.
by Sandie Angulo Chen
I realized my oldest son's interest in the original Star Wars movies had grown into a full-blown obsession when he first began incorporating facts about George Lucas' mythology into everyday conversations.
"Mama, it's cold today, like in Hoth.," he said one blustery day in February. Another time he struck a pose, stood very still and said "Look, I'm stuck in carbonite!"
At first, I wanted to yell "Nooooooo, don't do this." We had survived his preschooler infatuation with Clifford the Big Red Dog and Hot Wheels, and then the pirates stage and the prehistoric animals fixation. And now he was all about Star Wars.
I know parents who discourage these intense childhood fixations, thinking it limits their child's interests. But the only sane choice for my family was to give in, to go beyond my junior-high memories of the original trilogy -- that's when I started reading Star Wars Wikis and dictionaries. I had to able to keep up a conversation with my firstborn (and, um, know what in the world he was talking about!).
From my experience, it's perfectly natural for kids to obsess -- whether it's over Elmo or Thomas the Train or Fancy Nancy or later the Disney Princesses, Star Wars, Pokemon, Harry Potter or Twilight -- it's bound to happen dozens of times over a kid's childhood and adolescence.
Chances are, if you allow the High School Musical or Jonas Brothers or Robert Pattinson love to run its course, it will die out eventually (eventually being the operative word). But if you make the temporary obsession forbidden fruit, try to ban the toys, books, posters, ring tones, screen-savers, and other memorabilia, it will probably backfire.
So, just go with the flow -- learn the words to "The Climb," figure out what Volturri and Quileute mean, know which of the four houses in Hogwarts Harry belongs to -- it will go a long way in fostering parent-child bonding.
Plus, being familiar with the subject your kids are fascinated with offers ample opportunities to talk about the themes explored by their favorite book, movie, or TV show. You'd be surprised at the involved, mature conversations by 7-year-old and I have had about the Jedis, Luke's relationship with Han and Leia, the villainy of Emperor Palpatine, you name it.
My son appreciates that I know exactly what he means when he talks about Greedo or Grievous. And if he grows up to create his own world-famous fictional universe, I fully expect him to thank his father and me for not squashing his childhood fascination with Star Wars.
As a kid, my mother forbade Nightmare Before Christmas, Goosebumps, and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Her reasons?
"The characters are ugly."
"The covers are ugly."
"It is an ugly, ugly story."
The first two, she never bothered to watch or read before making her judgment.
Guess what I am into now as an adult?
I agree with JoeFuentes when he says that you need to speak up and be clear about how you feel in terms of media, and to be specific about why. The "oh, it's ugly" was not specific. Sure, the character designs are not appealing to everyone, but the story is what should matter most. And there is a reason the saying, "you should not judge a book by its cover" has its meaning.
Again, by not being specific and not bothering to even -look- at the material she was forbidding, she made it forbidden fruit. And I, like a lot of kids, found a way to access said forbidden fruit. It has impacted me to go into animation and write my own stories. It also showed me a better variety of stories and mediums.
In recent years, she has been more open about some of my interests, but it would have been nice to have that experience -before- I moved out and started college.
From my experiences, I think parents need to be a little more open-minded. Take a chance with what your kids are into. Look into the source material before passing any judgments. Learn about it. Let the kid (within reason) determine for his/herself if the story is too "ugly," or scary or intense or what have you. And in the end, if you still feel it is inappropriate, be clear and concise about why you feel that way.
That really is all there is to it.
your kid will probaly outgrow starwars and find a new intrest
I'm 15 right now and I agree, just ignore it and the obsession goes away. For example, I used to love Star Wars, now I despise it. How about, as they get older, you try and get them interested in more intellectual stuff? They could get obseesed over something that makes them smarter, so both sides are happy.
Reply to Post by Selfish Mom on 06/8/2009
It's totally controlled by their personality as to how they express their obsessions... my oldest girl is just like your son and my younger daughter can't stop if you get her talking about a PC game that she loves and my son is the same as his oldest sister... be thankful you only have one in your household.
I'm 18 now and I can safely say that my 'intense childhood fixations' were definitely not a fase. My love for Harry Potter and Pirates will never go away. If it wasn't for these films I wouldn't have a clue what to do with my life now. I'm doing a degree in film production based on these 'fixations'.
I say, leave your kids the hell alone and let them learn for themselves, the Internet is not half as scary as this bloody website makes out. The majority of 'teens' are not stupid and if you really act the way this website tells you to then they're probably laughing at you behind your backs. So, there you go.
I am a pop culture addict and my kids got their obsessions from me. Instead of trying to reign it in, I try to keep up with their pop culture interests and use these common interests to have great conversations with them.
My daughter gets obsessed with things as much as my son does, but I think the difference is that he wants to talk about the obsessions all the time, whereas she acts her obsessions out with her Barbies or draws endless pictures. I like her way better. I can only listen to about 90 seconds of my son telling me the plot (in excruciating detail) of the latest iCarly or Drake & Josh before I have to tell him to stop.
do girls get this obsessed over things? I mean, does any girl ever get as obsessed over anything the way boys do about dinosaurs or starwars? The examples sandie mentions are all boy-centric, and frankly, I'm having trouble imagining a girl obsessing over dinosaurs or anything else to the degree that some boys do, learning the names and facts of the most obscure prehistoric creature.
I totally agree with both bre_sarah and JoeFuentes! Thank you for your comments! We too are careful about how much our children watch the sarcastic shows such as "SpongeBob". If they begin to repeat the behaviors they no longer have the privelege to watch them. I try to steer them away from shows like "SpongeBob", and explain to them why we feel the way we do. I also point out the recommended age for the show and say, "see - this show is more appropriate for children who are older than you are." That works pretty well actually.
My older daughter (age 4) has never been a kid who developed obsessions like that. I don't know if it's her limited exposure to TV (and zero exposure to TV advertising) or if it's just her personality, or some combination, but we've survived two years of preschool where her friends have been obsessed with Cars, Dora, pirates, the Justice League, and princesses with no media fixations to contend with. She gets obsessed with activities (puzzles, jewelry-making, ballet dancing), and we run with those, but those feel different somehow than the media obsessions.
I agree about embracing the obsessions and using them as a tool to communicate and learn- we do that with the activities she is into even when I'm so tired of listening to the same classical CD for the 900th time that day as she practices walking on her "toe shoes". But we do draw some lines- we won't purchase clothing or backpacks with branded characters on them for example. She learned about Hello Kitty at preschool and requested a birthday cake in that shape which I made, but didn't get the napkins, plates, and party favors all in Hello Kitty- for me it's about supporting her interest without letting her be a marketing tool for the brand/character.
Hm...
It's hard for me to paint all childhood obsessions with the same broad brush because some are just cute harmless infatuations with funny or endearing characters, while others are reflexions on how our disfunctional society affects all of us, specially our kids. For me, it depends on the effect(s) the given 'obsession' has on my son.
I don't see anything wrong with a childhood obsession that, while annoying on the surface, has no negative behavioral impact or does not go against the values I am trying to teach my son.
If he wants to talk all day about cool looking cars racing and winning, or crashing and loosing, tough competition and the different competitive advantages of the cars, the importance of friendship/loyalty and sticking by your team, not giving up, and always trying one's best (he was obsessed with "Hot Wheels Acceleraces"), I let him play and watch the videos, and I even encourage him to keep watching and engaging because he is drawing positive messages. And even though I am not really a "cars" guy and could not care less about the "Teku" or the "MetalManiacs", I made an effort to learn who was who and how they related to my son's experience. It went a long way in our bonding.
On the other hand, however, when he start to "talk-back" at me with sarcastic one-liners, or starts emulating Patrick (from "Sponge Bob Square Pants") just to try get attention or a laugh, I make sure to explain to him that we don't appreciate that type behavior:
In our house there is no room for rude sarcasm or belittling.
Idiocy or mediocrity are simply NOT funny.
That alone usually slows down the speed of 'obsessive' effect of the show and soon enough he looses that type of interest.
So, as long as the messages that the kid is internalizing and the lessons he or she is drawing from the 'obsession' are not inappropriate, I say let him/her be and watch, and - if you can stomach it - join in!.
But if the effects are not appropriate in your view make sure to speak up and say, in no uncertain terms, how you feel about the behavior you don't like or the messaging you find inappropriate.
Remember: Your kids *are* listening to everything you say, even if they seem not to be. In my experience they will curb the obsession all on their own if they understand clearly why you don't like it.
That's what you call an obsession?
When my son scatters references to Peep and the Big Wide World, Pippi Longstocking, Charlotte's Web and others through everyday conversation, I call it a literary reference and am glad he can make such connections.
Granted, the times he simply repeats large blocks of script over and over can get on my nerves, but he and I both will reference characters and events from favorite books and videos either to make a point or when we're being funny. Of course, I'm not sure how fully he, at 6, understands that they are fantasy, but he'll get there, I'm sure.
I've noticed that, although he'll be very taken by a new book for a while, the other references are still there and return more fully once the recent fascination wanes a bit. I can occasionally get him to imagine characters from several stories meeting.