After the Sunset (PG-13, 2004)

Max (Pierce Brosnan)and Lola (Salma Hayek) are master thieves with tons of panache and style, specializing in unbreakable alibis and sending champagne and hookers to the hapless FBI agent who has been chasing them for seven years. Max and Lola are blissfully retired to a beautiful Caribbean Island, preparing for their wedding. At least Lola is pretty blissful. Max is not adjusting quite as well. He hasn't managed to write his vows or find a hobby. And then come two arrivals -- that FBI agent (Woody Harrelson as Stan Lloyd) and the third Napoleon diamond, the only one Max and Lola haven't stolen ... yet. Max knows he shouldn't steal it. But the local crime boss (Don Cheadle) wants him to get it to finance his expansion. Max has never managed to find a hobby. And that unbeatable security system is just sitting there, asking to be beaten.

AFTER THE SUNSET features two of the most glorious sights on earth -- Paradise Island and Salma Hayek in a bikini. Unfortunately, it keeps putting unappealing characters and a dumb story in front of them. Besides that, the jokes aren't funny, the romantic encounters are unpersuasive, the pacing sags and drags, and the characters get less appealing as each minute goes by. In one scene, for no possible logical reason, Max agrees to go out for a day of fishing with Stan. This provides an opportunity for a leaden episode about catching a shark that ends with Stan shooting it because it presents such a danger while it gasps for breath on the deck. The shark's misery has nothing on ours.

There is also an excruciating scene in which Stan and Max rub sunblock on each other's backs, which sends them into a homosexual panic, setting up an ugly situation later on when they end up in bed together (on the flimsiest of premises) and Stan's FBI colleagues draw the "wrong" conclusion. It's supposed to be funny that the crime boss talks about his work in humanitarian terms, "providing diversion for the underprivileged" with hookers and drugs as he pursues a vision of free love inspired by the songs of the Mamas and Papas. Nope. And it is supposed to be charming that Lola and the local law enforcement officer (Naomie Harris of 28 Days Later) trade compliments on a revolver and a pair of Chanel shoes. Not really.