Christmas with the Kranks (PG, 2004)

The Kranks always do Christmas in a big way. But with their daughter Blair (Julie Gonzalo) departing for Peru, the prospect of a Christmas at home doesn't seem too appealing. So Luther (Tim Allen) and Nora (Jamie Lee Curtis) decide to skip Christmas and take a luxury cruise. When their friends and neighbors pressure them to conform, the Kranks refuse to put their enormous Frosty up on the roof, shoot down tree-selling Boy Scouts, and ice the walk to deter carolers. But when Blair decides to come home Christmas with her new boyfriend and wants everything to be just like it always is, everyone scrambles to make things perfect for Blair.

The characters are unpleasant, the jokes are unfunny, and the sentiment is hypocritical -- so this movie is about as unappetizing as last year's figgy pudding. There are useless digressions about a robber and a mystery man who seems to know everyone. The fact that Blair has a boyfriend who is a foreigner is supposed to be funny. One of the Kranks' neighbors develops a very serious health problem, a particularly manipulative and awkward plot device obviously inserted to get our sympathy and give Luther a growth experience.

But what makes this film genuinely toxic is its attempt to leverage all of its audiences' feelings about the best of Christmas while having no sense at all of what makes those feelings matter. Nora's only contact with her clergyman is contrived so that he sees her in her skimpy bathing suit. The film's phony attempt to make fun of the craziness, commercialism, and conformity of the holiday season is in fact just one more example, so fundamentally fake and superficial it makes tinsel look like sterling.