Disaster Movie (PG-13, 2008)

DISASTER MOVIE loosely follows the plotline of Cloverfield, one of the dozens of popular movies being targeted here. While at a party, an unknown catastrophe strikes Manhattan, endangering the lives of Will (Matt Lanter), his ex-girlfriend Amy (Vanessa Minnillo), and random other friends, including Juno-esque pregnant teen Juney (Crista Flanagan) and a Giselle-like (but really crazy) Enchanted princess (Nicole Parker) who actually lives in the sewers. As they attempt to survive falling asteroids, twisters, and other life-threatening phenomena, Will and company bump into many celebrities and re-enact scenes from scores of other movies.

Unlike the classic genre parodies of the '70s and '80s that left audiences nearly out of breath from laughing so hard, this decade has brought us a series of successively less bearable, virtually unwatchable "comedies" from directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. What they make isn't even comedy; it's more like a parade of popular movie characters and celebrities stitched together with punchlines so eye-rollingly predictable that most seventh-graders could have written them.

The actors themselves, a few of whom are MADtv veterans, aren't to blame. None of them is well-known enough -- with the exceptions of Carmen Electra and Kim Kardashian, both of whom have their ample "actorly" assets on display -- to turn down a film role. The fact that Lions Gate keeps giving Friedberg and Seltzer a platform for this dreck is the real disaster.

Studio: Lionsgate
Director: Aaron Seltzer, Jason Friedberg
Cast: Crista Flanagan, Matt Lanter, Vanessa Minnillo
Genre: Comedy
Run time: 90 minutes
Theatrical release: August 29, 2008
DVD release: January 5, 2009
MPAA Rating: PG-13
MPAA explanation: crude and sexual content throughout, language, drug references and comic violence.