Every once in a while, a parent hits a media dilemma so challenging, there is no easy three step solution. This happened to me the other day when, on the way to school, my eleven-year-old son asked me what it meant when the "lady rapper" sang, "I taste just like candy." I almost plowed into the back of a garbage truck, which, in retrospect, might have been a nice metaphor for how the situation made me feel. "Why do you ask?” I stalled. “Because I heard it on the radio and I don’t know what it means.” Apparently, he’d asked his older sister who, to her eternal credit, told him if he didn’t know she certainly wasn’t going to be the one to tell him.
Even I, who spend my days helping parents with their media dilemmas, felt ambushed by this question. How much do you tell a child on the verge of adolescence about lyrics like the ones found in 50 Cent’s new album Massacre, which released last week, that invites a woman into his candy store to lick his lollipop? It’s tough enough having this discussion with my highschooler. I’m not equipped, I felt, to have it with a child who isn’t even in middle school yet.
I answered him as honestly as I could without revealing the exact meaning, “It’s about some sex stuff,” I said. “Not appropriate for your age.” He pushed a little more then dropped the discussion when he realized I had nothing more to say on the subject.
Why didn’t you just say it was because she was sweet?” my husband asked me later as I related this story. He quite rightly knew our son would accept the answer. “Because I know that some kids in his class do know what it means,” I said sadly. “I didn’t want him being made fun of for seeming stupid so I opted for drawing a boundary around it instead.” Who was right?
Well, as usual with dicey media matters, it comes down to the kid involved. My husband was right -- our son is on the innocent side of his age, his sister is on the mature side. She’s sophisticated enough that I was able to share my values and tell with her how sad it made me that lyrics like 50 Cent's take all the mystery and majesty out of something that can be quite beautiful between two people who love each other. There’s absolutely no point in forbidding her to listen to the music, so the best I can do is listen with her and share my perspective. And the younger son? I can and do forbid the music, but I also have to equip him with some tools for understanding. Not of the sexual practices, but of what is and isn’t appropriate for him at his age. He may not know what the song means, but he knows enough to ask and I guess I have to settle for that.
All this brings home the importance of talking to your kids about what they see and hear in the media. We can’t always be around to cover their eyes or ears, but we can help them develop inner compasses that steer them through some challenging media waters. In the end, sharing our own values and teaching them to question what they hear, see, and play will turn them into savvy media consumers and critical thinkers.
