Psychologist Dr. Susan Bartell explains how you can use television to connect with your kids.
A teachable moment is really quite straightforward: It occurs when something happens – in school, at home, in the news – giving you an opportunity to use that incident to teach your child a lesson about life. And TV is full of these moments.
Here are a few suggestions on transforming passive TV watching into active communication:
Talk to your kids about something that's going on in their lives. These connections are easiest to find in young children’s shows such as Arthur or Rugrats, but they crop up even in shows targeted to teens. You'll be able to open up discussions on everything from sharing and new siblings, to peer pressure and divorce. Ask your kids if what they see on TV accurately mirrors what’s going on around them.
Prime-time shows with their more adult content provide opportunities for starting those big talks about sex, drinking, and more. An episode that features someone dying of lung cancer, for example, could lead to a discussion about the dangers of smoking. These edgier shows – which you should definitely watch with your tweens and teens – provide an excellent opportunity to talk in an unloaded way about controversial topics.
Talk about how TV can distort body image. It’s important for kids to know what's real and what isn't – even older kids who you might think already know the difference. Use television to talk to your teens (and kids on the verge of becoming teens) about TV lighting and makeup artists. Talk to them about eating disorders and dieting. Point out that just because a skinny actress on TV looks happy doesn't mean she really is. And this isn't just a girl thing. Use buff bodies to talk to boys about the dangers of steroid use, obsessive working out – or even what it really means to be a man.
Remember, it's OK to:
Share your opinion. Say why you liked – or didn't like – how the main character acted, or the way the parents handled a situation. What would you have done differently?
Ask questions. Do they know anyone who has been in a similar situation? What did they think of how the family dealt with the problem? Be sure to listen carefully and respectfully.
Keep discussions short. You don't want your kids to dread a long analysis following every show. It's fine to simply make a passing comment or even a joke. They really are paying attention – and may come back to you later with their own thoughts.
Say “no” to certain shows. Don't allow inappropriate programs just because you think they might provide you with a teachable moment.
Continue the conversation later. Having had a brief conversation following the show doesn’t mean you’ve said everything there is to say about body image, safe sex, smoking, etc. Make sure you make time for follow-ups.
Susan Bartell is a child and parenting psychologist and author. Her latest book is Dr. Susan’s Girls-Only Weight Loss Guide. Dr. Bartell can be contacted at www.girlsonlyweightloss.com.
