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Sex and Media Tips

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What to do?

Too sexy for kids?

  • Listening to degrading sexual lyrics has been shown to speed sexual activity, according to a 2006 Pediatrics study
  • 70% of all TV shows in 2005 contained sexual material
  • Less than 1 in 4 TV shows with teen characters in 2005 featured any discussion of risk and responsibility
  • 60% of female video game characters are presented in a sexualized fashion
Advice and Answers

Too sexy for your kids?

We all know there‘s just no way to shield kids from sex. It’s in every commercial, magazine, song, game – everything. But what we can do is talk to them about it, and try to challenge the exaggerated notions of sex they see every day. We can help them develop a normal, healthy perspective about it. After all, you don’t want to let media teach your child about sex, do you?

What is it?

Our kids are growing up surrounded by sexual images and messages. Kids and teens are exposed to sexual imagery in advertisements, on TV, in movies, in books, in video games, and on the Internet. Many of these images are played for shock value, so they often contain graphic or violent sex. Even mild shows use sexual situations for humor. Sexual humor is a mainstay of adolescent entertainment.

Why it matters

The more kids see sexual situations, the more normal they become. Increasingly, sexuality reaches younger and younger children. Bratz dolls, those highly developed toys with sexually sophisticated clothing, have replaced more innocent (although still unrealistic) dolls. And celebrities aren’t exactly role models for responsible sex. Developmentally, highly sexual images inform our children’s image of sex long before they have experienced it. And yes, studies have shown links between seeing lots of sex in the media and earlier onset of sexual activity.

Parent tips for elementary school kids

  • Keep sexual content out of their media. We often think it’s harmless but young kids imitate what they see and they repeat what they hear. Even if they don’t understand the orgy scene in Zoolander, do you really want them repeating the dialogue?
  • Use safe search filters on search engines. Kids look for images on Google and Yahoo! Even the most benign search terms can surface something you don’t want them seeing.

Parent tips for middle school kids

  • Be aware and share your values. By middle school, kids know the facts. But they also are surrounded by sexual humor that is especially appealing because of how embarrassed kids are by the whole topic. This can demean sex. Make sure you explain your values and balance the sexual examples kids see every¬where with your positive values.
  • Don’t let kids use TVs and computers behind closed doors. This makes it easier for you to enforce your own rules and will help you understand exactly what your kids are seeing. When possible, watch and listen with your kids so you can answer – and ask – questions that might come up.
  • Look for teachable moments. A TV show in which a teen considers having sex with her boyfriend, or a song featuring sexy lyrics, can be the perfect opening for you to talk. Ask your kids about what they are seeing, hearing, and thinking about. They would rather talk about a movie than their own sexual thoughts.

Parent tips for high school kids

  • Talk about the difference between scripted sex and reality. They are moving into the sexually active zone. Discuss consequences, risky behaviors, and repeat your values. Point out that in the media, sex is often used to sell something since it gets everyone’s attention.

Download resources in Spanish

Download our Sex and Media Tip-Sheet in Spanish
Our Community Says

Do you use sex scenes in movies or TV shows as teachable moments, or is it too uncomfortable?

There are 20 community opinions on this topic

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Posted by jacman on 10/11/2009 (teen contributor, age 15)

It's ridiculous how we make such big deals over sex and media, then we don't talk with our kids about any contraception besides abstinance.

Despite the church's lies, condoms DO work when properly used. They are 99.99% effective at stopping pregnancy and STD's.

Please, don't be silly. Wrap your willy.

Posted by redjed on 09/20/2009 (teen contributor, age 15)

The baby is not the worst thing that could have happened to her. How would you feel if she got a sexually transmitted disease?

Posted by Yada on 09/15/2009 (adult contributor)

Hi. I found a forum that was the closest to my concern. I want to know where I can find an online "handbook" regarding internet laws and content on websites when the members are 13 years of age or older. [such as advertising for porn, etc.] Is there something here that I can read or a site I can go to for this? The site I am concerned about is Piczo.com. They have turned a once more secure safe site into an open blogging site and anyone can just sign up and post anything there, including porn. I myself have flagged a couple blogs that were advertising porn. I spoke with the owner on the phone and he doesn't really think there is a problem and says that they are meeting the safety requirements and laws for content for members 13 and older. I just can't see that it's OK to have the site the way it is right now. I personally feel it's very unsafe for anyone under 18. He did mention that Piczo's goal is to appeal to those 13 and older, but I fear the site may be more then I would ever let my kids see.Is there a site that can give Piczo a look over to see if they are indeed providing a safe environment for their target age?

fashionobsessed
Posted by fashionobsessed on 09/6/2009 (teen contributor, age 14)

you need to talk 2 ur kkids abt sex. i mean how stupid would u feel if one of ur kids had sex (or even got preggo) before u had 'the talk'

MarilynMansonFan
Posted by MarilynMansonFan on 08/7/2009 (teen contributor, age 14)

Every day I watch as my "friends" are spoon-fed this crap. I see the T.V. shows, I see the ads, I see the music and music videos; and it makes me sick to think that their minds are being saturated with this soulless monotony, and some of them are so far ingrained, so dependent on it, that there is no hope (Like babygurl2011 for example). They NEED to be popular, they NEED to be "hot", they NEED to destroy all that is inspired in them and join the herd. All for the sake of the power-hungry fools at the top of the media food chain.
I watch, and I laugh my ass off.

Posted by jack2 on 07/18/2009 (parent contributor)

i let my older know about sex

bubbleboy
Posted by bubbleboy on 06/29/2009 (teen contributor, age 13)

Bravo! The world needs more parents like you, DislikesCommonSense

Posted by Charlinathan on 06/14/2009 (adult contributor)

I'm 18 year...and i have done Online Adult Dating also...but our parent don't know about this...because they don't like these....

Posted by coolkat on 06/13/2009 (kid contributor, age 11)

my parents told me i do not want you to have sex until you are older and boy am i going to listen to that

HeavyMetalParent
Posted by HeavyMetalParent on 05/12/2009 (parent contributor)

Is this what we've become?

I
I
I
v

Posted by Baby_Gurl_2011 on 05/4/2009 (teen contributor, age 16)

well i watch everything and even sexuality n my mom talk to me about havn sex or have kids n soon i will be havn kids cause im sexual active really bad and its a real good thing for me n hym n i say anyone else too!
SO, what do you think about it?

Posted by DislikesCommonSense on 04/30/2009 (parent contributor)

Seriously, we are parents. Everything we see with our kids we should be discussing it with our kids. If you are uncomfortable with it then you need to grow up. You weren't too embarrassed to make them but your too embarrassed to talk about life. Seriously! If you are uncomfortable talking about it then your kids are talking about it with their friends. Who would you rather them get the facts from you (their parent/s) or their friends? Don't have kids if you can't talk about life and what goes on in it!

Posted by abby.the.brave on 04/26/2009 (teen contributor, age 13)

the posters on this forum are giving teenagers a bad name. I assure you not all teens are sexually frustrated :) . keep an eye on your kids and you'll be fine

Posted by jasonla on 03/10/2009 (adult contributor)

I think everyone loves sex for free and with the internet everyone can get it. People really need to get out have a good time with real people. Socialize more etc.

Posted by im13legit on 02/18/2009 (teen contributor, age 14)

im 13 i hav watched porn and i have had sex.i didnt do anything illegal and i didnt get my girlfriend pregnant so whats the problem?

Posted by Doctorrandom on 01/31/2009 (parent contributor)

No, but I have different rules for my family! Whenever I have my kids bring their girlfriend over, I make sure to watch any sexual relations between them, and log them so as to tell them both what they are doing wrong! That way we all learn!

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