Apparently, the process of RAISING your children is obsolete in this day and age. Nowadays, shoving your kids in a bubble and controlling every move they make passes for parenting. Reading your kids text messages is NOT going to make them better people and it's easy to avoid. All a kid has to do is delete their messages and you can't read what they wrote. Here's a crazy idea, parents, how about teaching your children proper morals and philosophies so you don't NEED to know what it says in their private conversations! What a novel idea!

I would totally feel like my privacy was invaded if my parents read my texts. However, i don't say anything innapropriate usually.. so they wouldn't "find" anything.. but i would still FLIP OUT that they did such a thing.

i think it is not ok btw i fail at speling lol

if you think they are with the wrong group, then sure. if they are happy all the time with no boyfriend or girlfriend then it would be a waste of time. if they have a shady or sneaky boyfriend or girlfriend then you might want to! just never tell them that you look!

i really dont think u should look at them i mean they have to have privacy but only do it if you are worried that they are doing illegal things if not trust them . teach them to do the right things so you can trust them to not do bad things

I agree wholeheartedly, kaze19. There are certain things parents are sensitive about when it comes to their children. On occasion, it will be the text-craze. However, a responsible child whose privacy is always being invaded in such a way may resent their parents so much that they turn to doing exactly what the parents had feared. That is why it is important to trust them so they can trust you.

I myself believe that whether or not a parent should check there child's text messages depends on how much they can trust their child, I'm not saying that parents that do check the texts don't trust their children, as that isn't true for most cases. I'm just saying that children can be unpredictable and get caught up in the wrong things, like sexting for example which is why adults worry about giving their children devices like that. But, if you feel that you child is responcible and honest to you then, you don't really need to check their messages, but regardless of honest and responcible or not, I would still check my child's texts if they would text that is. My parents don't worry about me getting in to texting and myspace and junk like that because I'm mature and I see no value in material gain such as the latest fashion and the newest slang , and websites and I don't even text anyone, and I don't abuse my electronics like most kids do today. I say parents should check their child's texts and the texts that they recieve from others, because even if your child doesn't text people could still send them texts they might find rude or offensive.

Yes, well the invasion of privacy that this site promotes is starting to get to me, even though I myself see the point that if you are doing nothing wrong, there is nothing to fear.

All I see in this forum is parents using more and more extreme examples to justify their behavior.

It's important for a child to stake a claim in their world, even if it is a privileged one. THEIR room, THEIR clothes, THEIR texts. You pay for these things, so you own them, but rubbing this in your child's face will only disturb them.

A common problem with parents on this site is that they take in too much from the media and it weighs down their own opinions as an individual. Which is ironic, considering the large amount of time and energy this site puts into helping you stop the same thing from happening to your child.

A news story about a child shooting up a school is just a news story. Yes, it is tragic, but it is a bad stereotype to assume all teenagers are just a few texts away from this same behavior. OJ Simpson is a black man, but you would never take that information and say that all other black men are moments away from murder.

It's great that you want to protect your child but, as the parent, you shouldn't have to stoop to reading texts to know what is going on in their life. You and your child should have a real relationship, and if you don't, that's the real problem you should be addressing.

A good parent wouldn't need to read text messages to know what's going on. In young children, this behavior is more acceptable, but when your child becomes older [14+], you should have already done enough as a parent for this to become unnecessary. Instill good values in your child and the need to constantly monitor them is no longer a need.

And who are you calling 'kid' anyway?

How is that irresponsible? It's standing up for what you believe in, showing that you're not going to be pushed around and treated unfairly anymore. If my parents treated me like that, I wouldn't sit around and take it, I'd fight back. Of course I know my boundaries, it's not like I'm slaughtering my parents for not giving me what I want. But all we are asking for is a little privacy and freedom, no one wants to be bothered and pestered and have all their messages read through, that's kind of obvious. I'm currently working on having my parents give me some space, and they're about to crack. Finally... :l

Hey javertbound -- what part of "running away" is demonstrating responsibility?!?! Sounds like proof that the kid is NOT YET trustworthy....

In my opinion if you are not doing anything wrong or to be ashamed of, there is not an issue if your parents read your texts. Today technology advances at the speed of light and so kids in schools today; children expose themselves to many things while online or texting.

REMEMBER: if you do NOTHING wrong; there is ANYTHING to worry about ever!

There has been many cases where children and teenagers put themselves in dangerous positions; this by sharing information with people that they do not really know or trust. Some kids and teenagers feel like they own the world and know more than their parents but the reality is the opposite; remember they are not experience or mature enough as their parents.

Because of this misconception children opt-to-do the wrong things for the wrong reasons. In occasions putting their lives in a very bad position and danger. Parents should and must read the text messages or other communications if they feel their kids are in danger or doing something wrong, this to protect their children well being and life if deem necessary.

Now if the parents pay for the phone lines and provide for their children they have the right and it is their obligation as parents and adults to carefully and closely supervise the activities of their children.

I feel that "the Privacy of any child/teenager/under age person" lies in the responsibility of their parents; therefore, they have the right and moral obligation to manage, supervise, conduct, raise and guide their children in the best way possible.

The privacy issue with teenagers and children begins and ends, when they become mature adults and pay for their own room, board, studies, and food and general living. At this point parents need to let them live their lives and advise them when necessary or when asked about; otherwise their children have the right to make their own decisions and mistakes as well, in that manner they will mature and become better and productive adults.

my parents have read my texts before and i flipped out so thats when i started deleting every single text after i read or sent one i admit i read my parents texts sometimes

I've come to the point where I've just about stopped texting all together, all because of my mom. This 'reading every single message before I erase it' thing is way out of hand, not to mention that I am 13 and deserve a little more privacy and rights than I am given. I feel I have been stripped of my rights as a person and that I'm an alien, with no rights, no freedom, and no privacy, let alone no emotions that normal people aquire. She's forced me to stop texting, and I don't think it ever should have gone that far.

Katgirl,

I grew up in a pretty similar environment. Now, I am a 34 year old mother with 3 of my own kids but back then.... I could not sneeze without my mother knowing about it. I was not allowed to leave my block until I was 16...and she had to make an exception when I was in 6th grade so I could walk to my bus stop!!! I never went to the movies with my friends, no parties, no sleep overs, etc. She snooped in all my stuff...read my diary behind my back, listened in on my phone conversations, etc. I went through some pretty embaressing situations...and I was a pretty good kid too. I had never done anything to warrant the strict rules either. I was very responsible and had a decent head on my shoulders. I ended up moving out early myself...trust me, its not an easy road to take. If I knew then what I know now...I would have talked to my mother about it back then. I would have asked her why. My childhood could have been...well, much more of a childhood.

Perhaps they are only trying to protect you (I can understand parental paranoia as a parent myself now, and how strong the drive is to protect your children at every turn...but I really could not grasp that back then.) but maybe if they knew how it makes you feel...maybe something could change. Tell them you are hurt by their seeming mistrust. Ask them if they do not feel they have given you a solid foundation to make good choices. Ask them if they do not feel your past actions SHOW you to be a responsible and well adjusted person who is capable of making good decisions. Maybe if you had a real heart to heart with them openly, honestly, and without judgment it might help.

What I did learn as I got older...my mother was abused through out her childhood. It all makes a lot more sense now...all the strict rules...but it did not make things easy back then. Of course, as my mother, she felt I was the prettiest kid in the world, lol. She was SO paranoid that something really bad would happen to me...just like what she went through for years and years of her childhood. She figured if she kept me in a bubble, nothing could ever hurt me. You see, it was not ME she didnt trust...it was the rest of the world. If only I had TRIED to talk to her, MAYBE she might have told me why. I could have reminded her that I am NOT her, and that her past is not destened to be mine...that she had taught me well...that I know how to speak up if something goes wrong. Well, maybe it would have all been different. It is worth trying to talk to them. The worst that can happen is nothing changes. You have everything to gain and nothing to loose. Good luck.

My kids are not yet at ages where this is an issue...they don't HAVE phones yet. (lol, a 5, 7, and 9 year old really do not require "privacy" of this sort yet...they are still learning right from wrong, safety, etc. and it is my job to teach them. When I know they have a solid foundation, sure, then they can begin to gain some privacy of this sort.) I have to agree though, communication is the real issue. If you have an open line with your kids and they know they can come to you (without fear) if something goes astray in their lives, then I don't think anyone would need to resort to "spying." Just ask if you are concerned! Now that said, if my kids were acting really funky and I kept the lines of communication open AND they still did not talk to me about it...AND it continued...yeah, for my kids SAFETY (and my own sanity that they are indeed safe) I would probably start checking things out. Not behind their backs though, right in front of them. I would tell them my concerns and why I am about to do what I am about to do...unless they want to start talking. If I found nothing of MAJOR concern, I certainly would not give them a hard time for anything I might find that was just private for the normal reasons. I really hope to never find myself in that position with my kids. So far, so good. They come to me about everything...crossing my fingers it stays this way.

Ok I Have had 4 phones and the 1st one i had when i was 9 years old.and my parents never read one single text of mine.i don't look at their texts and they don't look at mine.seriously they get the privacy stuff.that's what i like

im a kid( you can see that from my profile i think) and i think the answer varies from person to person. for example i would not mind my parents reading my texts, at least not at this age(not that i have a phone XD) but i can undesrstand that there are scenarios in which it would be neccisary or have more positive consiquences than negetive consequences to read them than not to read them, but there are also cases in which i believe that the text messages should not be read, such as if they are reading about "liking someone" (while I know many people my age who have reached that point, i have not, at least not conciously) in which the child may be to embarresed.
I think that it depends on the childs sensitivity to this kind of thing, and the chances that the child is doing something that they shouldnt.
and i know of people who have been doxed. the anwser is 101010(base 2)

My parents dont read mine (im 9) my skool says no cell phones. I read my parents texts

It sounds as if your parents are so in fear of something bad happening to you that they have gone a little overboard. First of all, I would ask you to look at where their concern is coming from. Did something happen to your mom when she was a teenager? Did something happen to a teen that your family knows or maybe lives in your neighborhood? Maybe if you can find the root of the fear, maybe you could try to talk to your family about it. Living your life based on fear is not a good option. Ask your parents if they would let you go to a friends house if they drive you. Maybe starting small and not getting into any trouble would make your parents realize that you can go places without horrible things happening to you or you not getting into trouble. It will hopefully get better, I hope. Good Luck!

Holy crap katgirl9494! I feel really really bad for you. I thought my parents were strict, but I guess I barely knew what strict really means. I can understand that you'd want to move out! Maybe you should say that you're going to run away unless they give you trust and start treating you like a responsible 15, almost 16, year old.

My parents have very strict, non-negotiable rules. They monitor my music, asking that they approve the lyrics before I purchase a song. They require that they see a movie before I can, even if it's rated PG. They have a block on my internet so they can see every site I visit. They choose what I watch on tv and what I do not. They read all of my emails and my diary.

I am not allowed to date or go with anywhere with friends unless there is a person over 30 in the group. They also choose who I am friends with. I pay for my cell phone, it is a tracfone, so there are no monthly bills. I'm not allowed to call anyone other than family. I am not allowed to text message anyone that is a boy (besides family). The only thing that surprises me is that, after all of these rules (and there are more) they do not read my text messages. They've never asked me to turn over my phone and I have it with me constantly, so there is no way they are reading without my knowledge.

I do feel that they do not trust me. I have never done anything to warrant these rules. Sometimes, it is a matter of safety, I agree. There comes a point, though, when there are just too many rules. I feel I cannot breathe without being monitored. I don't know why they don't seem to trust me, no matter how much older I get. The older I get (I'm almost 16), the more strict the rules seem to get. I can't remember the last time I stayed at a friend's house. It was about four years ago.

I have found ways to cope. I don't write in my diary anymore. I don't hang out with friends. I pretty much stay in my room and read, until they ask me to do some sort of housework.

I wish there was a way I could gain their trust, but I don't know if this will ever change. Another reason why I'm moving out of here as soon as I possibly can. And they wonder why I want to leave.

I am 13 years old, and believe it or not, I am not allowed to delete a single message from my phone without my parents reading it! No joke. Once my inbox fills up, I have to give it to my mom so she can read them all and give me the OK to erase them. Talk about an invasion of privacy! It complete strips me of my rights as a person. And by needing to go through all my conversations, there is no bond of trust, and it oftens leaves me feeling insecure and intruded. Like my parents don't think I'm responsible enough to have a decent conversation with my friends without butting in. And besides, all she ever finds is stuff about the usual; homework, plans for the weekend, and even worse, crushes/relationships! You don't know how awful it feels to have your parents, especially your stepdad, know everything going on in your love life. It makes me feel ashamed and downright embarrassed! I'd understand if they snuck a peek at my messages occasionally, or if they suspected I was up to something, but of course with my permission! They don't even ask me, they just take it. Plus, they apparently can see online if I delete my messages, because they said they can get a printout of everything. I have no privacy and no rights, and it really hurts sometimes.

It's kind of funny seeing kids spazz over having their parents read their texts. If you're not doing anything wrong, what do you have to be afraid of? Say that they don't 'trust' you, but they have no reason to when you spazz out when they ask to see your texts.

I don't care what anyone says. I have had the same problems as your son, and I'm much younger. I only received my first cell phone a week ago and had to work very hard for it. I think you are a very responsible parent in doing so and protecting his self esteem in the process.

OMG NO YOU SHOULD NOT!!!!!!!!!!! im sorry for those that disagree but com'on!!!! my parents jus did that today... THE 1st TIMEE!!!!!!!! im so mad idk how long it will be before i talk to them again!!!!! I have stuff about the guy i like and i DID NOTT want them to know about him!!! and im in JR. HIGH i have friends that curse. like thats a surprizee but really... my parents took my phone and left so im scared bout wat they are going to say when they get home!!!! yeah this is a definit NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NEVER DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS OR THEY MIGHT HATE YOU LIKE I DO MY PARENTS!!!!!

you parents shouldnt be reading our text messages.why cant u trust us?how wud u feel if us kids would be looking through your personal stuff?why dont u just talk to us if u want to know if anything is going on in our lives?well even if u parents are ignoring this and will still read our texts messages were not stupid we know that parents are going to read our texts at somepoint so we delete all our texts messages everyone so u cant pry im just saying u shoukd find a different way to find wats going on in our lives

i think its ur supposed 2 have a friendly relationship with ur child because trust me i had this friend and her mom went through her text and after that day every thing changed for them her momm never trusted her and the daughter never trusted the momm but this all happend over her telling a boy she had a crush on him and she was 12 then her mom was always hitting her and punishing her and she became a bad friend 2 every body after she got a little freedom so u have 2 be friendly but not invade their privacy but be a parent 2 u know have an open relation ship with ur child

My 15 y.o. son has on and off bouts of depression for 5 years. I know he has contemplated suicide a few times. One of the ways I can get him the help he needs is to know what he's saying to his friends. Since they won't come right out and tell me if I ask them, I have resorted to reading his text messages when I see that he's going thru a very down period. I have in fact discovered some disturbing things within his texts and was able to diffuse the situation without him knowing that I read his thoughts. It's called good parenting, looking out for the most important person in the world to me. Some of the kids reading this simply won't understand until they, too become parents.

Parents need to trust their children. If a child knows that their parents do not trust them, they will not have a healthy relationship with their parents.

Reading the text messages is like listening in on a phone conversation. It's just not right, it's their own personal conversation, if the parent is reading the messages without permission that's invasion of privacy. If the parent REALLY wants to read them at least ask permission, they will probably get a no but at least they tried. Reading texts is kind of like reading a diary.

I had my own cell phone at 16 that was in my name and I paid for. If my mom had asked to look at it I still would have let her. Want to know why? My mom was always open, honest and upfront with me about everything. From everyday things, all the way to sex and drugs. Always being age appropriate. We had a great line of communication and I always felt as though I could tell her anything. She always knew where I was and who I was with. Including what I was doing. She knew I experimented in things. Just like any normal teen. I never hid anything from her because I never feared her reaction. She would talk to me as her equal not down to me. We openly talked about my life and the things going on.

Just talk to your freakin kids. Know whats going on. Be in control but don't hold them back. They are gonna do what they want to. Be supportive of them making their own choices.

I was given free reign of my life at about 13 because my mom trusted me to make the right choices. She knew she had raised me well enough to make good choices. And I turned out just fine. I stayed out of trouble and did well in school. But was still allowed to do all the normal growing pains of finding myself and figuring it all out. I'm 24 now and still talk to my mom about EVERYTHING...

IT'S ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION FROM THE DAY THEY ARE BORN!

In my opinion, if the parents are reading their children's text messages, one of two things is happening: A. the parents do not trust their children
B. the parents are paranoid and over-protective. Neither of these kinds of relationships is healthy for a kid. If the child's behavior begins to change, TALK to him or her first. There is no need to plunge into their private life. In doing that, you break the trust they have in you and then they will never talk. Parents, all you need is to communicate with your child. You have raised them to be the best person they can be. Trust them.

ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! you think im gonna hand over my phone everyday? its a matter of privacy. how would they feel if i read their texts???????

What!! never! it's an invasion of privacy, my parents shouldent read my texts or anyone else. if it was meant for them, it would have been sent to them. it's not like were saying anything bad, it might be about a crush or something thats not your parents business.

Ok, I have had my texts read by a parent before. I delete every message I get and every message I send, regardless of the content. (It's not like they're was anything bad in them anyway) It's a reflex to delete my messages now, because they did that.

to wrongisright: way to use a completely extreme case to back up your paranoia. I would say to you, how dare you compare most young teens of being similar to those who could take the lives of others? This is a simple debate of every day privacy (invasion?) and your point is largely irrelevant. Use reason to back up your defenses or don't bother at all.

I don't have children but I know just for the issue of privacy I personally found it immensely rewarding that my mother trusted me enough not to prod into the silly little things I wanted privacy on when I was a teenager. There was the potential I could have got into some stupid situations just like any other kids but her easy confidence in me motivated me not to let her down. Perhaps some of you should be giving your kids more credit.

Your children are not stereotypes. Just because you hear secondhand knowledge of what cellphones and facebook profiles are for does not mean they are following in the same example. And frankly, if they are getting up to enough shenanigans with their phones and internet time that your heart attacks are warranted: that's all coming back on your parenting skills. Sorry :)

if you walk into your kids room to check on them and they act weird and as if they are trying to hide something then yes you should look but if they are acting calm then you shouldnt have anything to worry about.

For you 17 and under children on this post who say that parents don't trust their children if they read their texts I have this say. There was an incident in 1999 where some young kids not unlike yourself decided to massacre their classmates and 1 teacher. You would have being 7, 6, 5, 4, 3. Please don't you dare sit there and tell me that those parents who lost a child or loved one would not have wished that those parents had known that their children had that kind of firepower under their roof. In the first place the cell phone became a tool for when in cases of emergency you could get a hold of your parents not to sext or text.

well heater4 u if I was you I would go out get a good lawer and sue the bus driver or the school ether one but the bus driver would be the best choice.

On certain ocasions i think it is oklay for parents to read kids texts.My mom has only read mine 1 time when i had some trouble at school but other than that she has had eery reason to trust me so she odesnt read them.And if she does and finds cussing or persoonal problems with friends she keeps the to herself and doesnt try to talk to me about them.so yea you miight think im a crazy teen for saying they should be able to read them but if the have a reason not to trust you then they have every right to

I have read through everyone's comments. When I gave my kids cell phones, I told them that if I feel something is 'going on' with them, they are acting different, something is 'not right' that I reserve the right, as their parent to check every avenue to see what's happening if I feel that they are 'in a situation' or 'hiding something' and not communicating with me - they know they can come to me with anything, but sometimes they choose not to. Sometimes it is not a matter of trust, it is a matter of safety, etc. My kids' and I have good communication, but they are teenagers, and there are some things they won't share with parents. My kids leave their cell phones out in the open. I think communication is bottom line. I recently had a situation where an 18 year old boy was texting my 14 year old son inappropriate things, trying to ask him out, etc. This made my son uncomfortable, but he shared that he was not comfortable confronting this boy.. if i had not read those texts, I would not have been able to step in and help my son. So I think it depends. Yes, privacy is important, trust is important, but communication is the foundation. Keep an open line...

Hell no i don't want my parents reading my texts. They don't but you parents shouldn't. We kids want our privacy. If you go looking around then you lose your kids' trust. If my parents looked at my texts I would never trust them again. When you were a kid you probably had your diaries or you notebooks where you would write down your thoughts. So how would you feel if your parents went through your writings? It's the same thing with texting. My parents trust me that I have nothing in my phone that is bad so they don't look at it. But when they look at it then they lose that trust. My parents have their rules and my dad always says "as long as you live under my roof..." but going through texts is going to far for us teens. And besides, my parents don't pay for my texts and even if they did they would know that it takes a d-bag parent to go looking through their kids' stuff. Think about what i'm saying and then think if looking through your kids' texts is worth losing their trust.

My opinion might be different than anyone else's because I pay for my own texts, so technically they are mine! This is a different situation than if you pay for your kid's texts. You have two options with this. You could say to yourself "they are my kids, and while they are under my roof, I will know what they are up to!" Or you could only check them when you think suspicious behavior is going on. Either one has its pros and cons. Now, if you pay for your child's texts, that is a whole different thing. Then they are rightfully yours, because, hey, your name is on it. think of it as your teen is borrowing your phone. With this situation, check them whenever. Now, if you think your teens might be mad, calmly work this into a conversation, like "Ill text _____ to see if they can come" and then you say "I wanna look at your texts some time" If they balk, then they have something to hide. A word to the wise, texting language is so much different than, say, email language, so be careful. Also, phrases in texts that weren't meant to be hurtful can come out like that, so always ask your teens about the meanings if you don't understand something.

Love reading the various opinions. Here's mine. There is a HUGE difference between face to face conversations and texting/emails. The texts and emails can be saved and sent by friends to friends of friends, etc... I trust my kids...it is the rest of the world that I am weary of...I DON"T TRUST THEM! A private text/email can easily become public if a friend decides. THAT is why it is critical that parents keep an eye and check in on their kids cyber life. Just in case the kid is inadvertantly leaving him/herself open to being taken advantage of.

In my opinion, if the parents are reading their children's text messages, one of two things is happening: A. the parents do not trust their children
B. the parents are paranoid and over-protective. Neither of these kinds of relationships is healthy for a kid. If the child's behavior begins to change, TALK to him or her first. There is no need to plunge into their private life. In doing that, you break the trust they have in you and then they will never talk. Parents, all you need is to communicate with your child. You have raised them to be the best person they can be. Trust them.

I think that only if your kid is failing or you have good reason to believe he is doing drugs or engaging in other risky behaviors should you check their texts. And, by the way, teenagers aren't stupid, it's just that your pre-frontal cortex isn't fully developed until you're in your 20s, so you can't think out consequences to your actions.

Parents should be able to read kids texts but they should be prepared for the worst. My parents read my texts and they just don't want to find anything inappropriate. also remember that kids can always delete texts.

wow. way too many psycho, over protective parents. No offense, but get a life! one that doesn't involve alienating your teen. Unless you never want to talk to them again after the day they turn 18/make enough money to move out.