Too sexy for your kids?

We all know there‘s just no way to shield kids from sex. It’s in every commercial, magazine, song, game – everything. But what we can do is talk to them about it, and try to challenge the exaggerated notions of sex they see every day. We can help them develop a normal, healthy perspective about it. After all, you don’t want to let media teach your child about sex, do you?

What is it?

Our kids are growing up surrounded by sexual images and messages. Kids and teens are exposed to sexual imagery in advertisements, on TV, in movies, in books, in video games, and on the Internet. Many of these images are played for shock value, so they often contain graphic or violent sex. Even mild shows use sexual situations for humor. Sexual humor is a mainstay of adolescent entertainment.

Why it matters

The more kids see sexual situations, the more normal they become. Increasingly, sexuality reaches younger and younger children. Bratz dolls, those highly developed toys with sexually sophisticated clothing, have replaced more innocent (although still unrealistic) dolls. And celebrities aren’t exactly role models for responsible sex. Developmentally, highly sexual images inform our children’s image of sex long before they have experienced it. And yes, studies have shown links between seeing lots of sex in the media and earlier onset of sexual activity.

Parent tips for elementary school kids

• Keep sexual content out of their media. We often think it’s harmless but young kids imitate what they see and they repeat what they hear. Even if they don’t understand the orgy scene in Zoolander, do you really want them repeating the dialogue?
• Use safe search filters on search engines. Kids look for images on Google and Yahoo! Even the most benign search terms can surface something you don’t want them seeing.

Parent tips for middle school kids

• Be aware and share your values. By middle school, kids know the facts. But they also are surrounded by sexual humor that is especially appealing because of how embarrassed kids are by the whole topic. This can demean sex. Make sure you explain your values and balance the sexual examples kids see every¬where with your positive values.
• Don’t let kids use TVs and computers behind closed doors. This makes it easier for you to enforce your own rules and will help you understand exactly what your kids are seeing. When possible, watch and listen with your kids so you can answer – and ask – questions that might come up.
• Look for teachable moments. A TV show in which a teen considers having sex with her boyfriend, or a song featuring sexy lyrics, can be the perfect opening for you to talk. Ask your kids about what they are seeing, hearing, and thinking about. They would rather talk about a movie than their own sexual thoughts.

Parent tips for high school kids

• Talk about the difference between scripted sex and reality. They are moving into the sexually active zone. Discuss consequences, risky behaviors, and repeat your values. Point out that in the media, sex is often used to sell something since it gets everyone’s attention.