Back to topic overview

Cyberbullying, Haters, and Trolls

When should parents intervene in a cyberbullying situation?

Many kids don't tell their parents that they're being cyberbullied. Kids might feel embarrassed or ashamed to let you know they've been targeted. They also might be afraid your involvement will make things worse. But, if you find out your kid has been cyberbullied, it probably means the issue is major enough for you to get involved.

Try this: Collect more facts by talking the situation through with your kid. Work out a plan of action together. Make sure you and your kid agree on what the outcome should be. Ramp up your efforts as the situation demands.

Another reason not to rush to a solution: Research indicates that peers sticking up for each other is a very effective defense against bullies. Bullies work by trying to isolate their victims. When kids rally around the target, it thwarts the bully. Encourage your kid to reach out to friends for support.

If your kid is being bullied by someone he or she knows, it's a good idea to talk it over -- face to face -- with the kid's parents. These steps can help you get on the same page and resolve the conflict together:

Schedule a meeting. Although your impulse may be to confront the kid's parents immediately, it's better to set a time to meet and discuss the situation when everyone's feeling calm.

Explain that you're there for your kid. Say that your kid reported the incident and you want to follow up. That takes the heat off the parents and allows you both to discuss your kids' actions.

State your goal. Yes, you're angry and hurt, but your goal should go beyond blaming. You want to end the bullying and have your kids stop engaging in destructive behavior.

Let the other parents talk. Hear them out; they may have information you don't know about.

Bring the evidence. Show printouts or the devices on which the bullying occurred.

Work together. As much as possible, try to enlist the other parent so you can work as a united front.

Talk about next steps. Create a plan for how to proceed as well as a check-in schedule so you can see how things are progressing. Depending on whether things calm down or escalate, you may need to bring in a neutral party -- a teacher, a counselor, even a community leader -- to deal with the problem and help you all move forward.

Of course, if there are any real threats to your child's safety, you should contact the authorities immediately.