Your daughter has been kidnapped by a team of evil mercenaries, what do you do? Well, if you Arnold Schwarzenegger, the only logical thing to do would be to run around and firing your gun around randomly. Oh yeah, and you also have to shove a steam pipe into one your enemies (btw, the steam is still flowing though it after Arnie rips it off the wall). This film raises a lot of questions; one is “Why is it so important to say a cheesy line before you kill someone”, and this film would have to be the king of cheesy line, right from the mouth of the king of cheesy lines himself. Featuring such classics as “I eat green berets for breakfast”, “Let off some steam” and “Remember when I said I’d kill you last? I lied”. It also may be the first instance of “I’ll be back”. Other question raised are “How can this guy have 20 people shooting at him simultaneous and not get so much as a scratch on him?”, or “How can he shoot for 10 minutes straight without needing to reload?”, or “How can Arnold leap of a freaking airplane with only the clothes on his back and land safely?”
Commando is almost like every action movie trope you know, love, and hate, all rolled into one 90 minute assault (oh, and the fact that it was made in the 80s also helps), and it’s hilarious as hell. I’d be surprised if video stores attendants can still keep this under the “Action” section while keeping a straight face (I mean, the cover of the DVD is funny enough).
On the surface, Commando is just another dumb action movie, but its goes deeper than that, because Commando is the dumb action movie to end all dumb action movies. If you like so-bad-it’s-good cinema, this is a must see.
PS. A note on the Australian classification of this title; while the film is rated R (the Australian equivalent of NC-17), I really don’t see what makes this something that should be restricted to adults only. Sure, there’s a very, very brief shot of a sex scene (blink and you’ll miss it), but I’ve seen more explicit stiff from M rated films (Australian equivalent of PG-13). If you ask me, Commando shouldn’t be rated anything higher than an MA15+. There’s swearing, but not as much as, say, Pulp Fiction, and the violence is extremely cartoony.