Boys and Body Image Tips

Advice & Answers

Boys are held to some pretty high standards. There’s the NFL showing impossibly large men with astounding speed. Magazine covers preach “Get a Better Body.” Physique is the over-hyped indicator of manliness, leaving little room for all those other more important qualities, like empathy, intelligence -- and even common sense.

We want our sons to be healthy -- and happy. And that means feeling good about their bodies. Although most people associate eating disorders and body image issues with girls, the obsession with having a “better” body is far from a girls-only issue. Stars such as Dennis Quaid and Elton John have admitted to having had eating disorders, and several scandals have surfaced about steroid use in professional sports. Boys are surrounded by images of six-pack abs, ripped bodies, and perfect hair styles on stars like Matthew McConaughey or David Beckham. Media profoundly influence boys’ expectations of what a real body type is.

But male body image isn’t something that’s talked about that often. Why? As anyone with adolescent sons knows, talking about their bodies is really difficult. All too often they try to “solve” body problems on their own. Even if they don't express concerns explicitly, boys' are as affected by media influences as girls are.

Increasingly, boys become obsessed with controlling their eating, taking supplements, or working out excessively in order to get the “cut” bodies of Abercrombie & Fitch models. And given that boys often organize around “alpha” leaders, body size and type become huge social factors. Even with the negative examples of professional athletes and steroids scandals, boys are still tempted to “bulk up” for team sports or to impress girls.

• Emphasize health over looks. Talk about what their bodies can do, rather than what they look like.
• Keep kids active. Don’t let them “veg” in front of a screen too long at any given time.
• Keep an eye on your kid's social networks, texts, and other online comments. Today's kids are living in a constant feedback loop of criticism. They can post, send, and read comments about their friends and themselves instantly -- and many take advantage of anonymity and online distance to insult each other's weight and appearance. (Learn how one mom dealt with these kinds of comments on Formspring.)

• Check your own behavior. Are you overly critical of your own body? Do you exercise and eat well? You are setting an example of adult behavior.
• Do a reality check. Help your children form realistic expectations. Point out that the sports celebrities they admire have teams of people helping them work them out, feeding them special meals, and in some cases, surgically altering them. The same holds true for “hot” movie stars. One glance at the real men in their lives will drive home this point.
• If your son is on a sports team, check in with him about training. Find out what kind of messages he’s getting from his coach and from other team members.

• Check in. Ask your son if friends use risky methods to control weight. Since boys will talk more easily about other people than themselves, you can get more information by asking about what their friends do. Ask: Are any of your friends using steroids or supplements? Working out too much? Talking about “purging” after a pig out? If so, ask your son how he feels about it and whether he’s ever been tempted to engage in any of these behaviors.
• Check for signs. Sudden weight loss, dramatically increased workouts, large muscle growth, and radically altered eating patterns are just a few signs of eating disorders or potential steroid or supplement use. If you think your son is at risk, make a doctor’s appointment immediately. This is critical not only for your son’s health, but also for his mental well being, since eating disorders create a lot of feelings of shame. Sometimes your child might be more forthcoming with a health professional than with you, for fear of either letting you down or being criticized.