The True Story of Christmas (by Anne Fine)

Ralph, "banished to my bedroom on Christmas Day, with no one even giving me a chance to explain," tells the whole true story of his Christmas with his awful relatives. There's his cousin Titania, who loves to tattle and relentlessly makes everyone watch her sing and dance; the twins, a pair of Tasmanian devils ("having the twins around last Christmas was like living in endless retakes of an X-rated horror film"); Great-aunt Ida, who sees vicars floating past the window and can't do anything to help because of her twisted wrist; Uncle Tristram, who's giving everyone bricks for Christmas; and worst of all, Great-granny ("I hope both of you get boils on your bottom"), a mean old shrew who loathes everyone.

Amidst this ultimate dysfunctional family Christmas, Aunt Susan has the brilliant idea of having a family quiz, a Christmas Visit Quiz. And that's when the wheels come off.

As Lemony Snicket might say on the back of one of his books -- if, Dear Reader, you are looking for a heartwarming happy family Christmas book, full of love and the glad tidings of the season, this isn't it. If you want a lump in your throat, a tear in your eye, and a feeling that all's right with the world, pass it by. This book aims to tell what family holidays are really like.

This is wickedly, viciously funny, meant to appeal most to cynical curmudgeons (in other words your average 11-year-old), done with that dry wit that only the British seem to be able to manage. Anne Fine has always been a master craftsman among authors, but here she lets loose with broad humor, absurd exaggeration, and apparently a great deal of experience (and frustration) with family gatherings.

Author: Anne Fine
Publisher: Delacorte Press
Publication date: November 15, 2003
Number of pages: 133
Hardcover price: $15.95
Read Aloud: 9
Read Alone: 9