The Reformed Vampire Support Group

Had enough of vampires yet? No? Well, this book should do the trick. It doesn't just demystify them -- it makes them pathetic and revolting. These vampires have no super powers, and they certainly aren't sexy. Perpetually weak, miserable, and pale, they spend most of their time vomiting and hiding from the world, and, when they get together, bickering. And then vomiting some more. They do get to live forever, but never has eternal life seemed so unappealing -- it's like living forever with a neverending, really rotten flu. In this view, vampirism is a disease from which one never recovers -- ever.

While this is occasionally amusing, and allows the author to riff on everything from self-help groups to fanboys, it does not make for relatable characters. After awhile the story does get going, and there are some exciting moments amid all the puking. Some kids, especially those who don't like the vampire craze, will find this hilarious. But if you're a vampire lover, or just someone who doesn't enjoy reading about characters who are perpetually sick and whiny, pass this one by.

From the Book:
It's funny; I hate so much about my life. I hate the cramps, and the nausea, and the boredom, and the listlessness. I hate surviving on guinea pigs, and not being able to get a decent haircut. But that night, when it came to choosing between life and death, I didn't hesitate. Not for one second.

I didn't want to end up as a pile of ashes on a bedroom floor.