Bridge to Terabithia (PG, 2007)

Who in the world said this movie has good role models? Who in the world said it was good? Who in the world says it was educational? Who in the world wrote this movie? Who in the world wrote the book? I'm gonna give you the lowdown on the whole movie, beginning to end: the movie starts out when a boy, about 10, goes to a new school and makes a friend who is a girl. Not girlfriend, just girl, although the girl may have had a crush on the boy, there's nothing I remember that indicates one or the other. There are bullies at their school that the kids never (without violence) stand up to. The filmakers give false advertising to say this movie has magical creatures in it. In actuality, the creatures are just imagined by the two kids when they swing across a river on a maybe 50-year-old rope, and those sequences only last about two minutes or less. The monsters act like the school bullies, etc. That's how they deal with bullies: they run away. After class, the boy watches his teacher, maybe 25 years older than he is, walk to her car with a dumbfounded look on his face, "My, she's pretty. I want to marry her right now." The teacher returns this gesture by calling him up and asking him if he wants to visit an art gallery or something of the like. If I remember correctly, she refers to it as a kind of field trip. But she told the kid they'd be the only two on the trip. The kid runs away in the afternoon to go on a date with his favorite teacher. The teacher drives the kid home safe and sound, then his parents come running out of the house, "Where were you? We had the whole state after you. By the way, that girl you mentioned. She died today. Yep, washed down a river." The End. The morals: If a school bully messes with you, either run away or punch him in the face and be sure not to tell your parents. If you find a rickety old rope, swing across it and hope it doesn't snap. It's okay to have a crush on your teachers when you're ten years old, or anyone for that matter. (heaven help the kid when he's older.) If your teacher calls you and asks if you want to go somewhere alone, eagerly say yes and, again, make sure your parents don't know. Now, what do you think of these morals? Very good, aren't they? And you can learn a lot from this movie. But only if, before you watch it, you tell your kids, "Never do anything you see people do in this movie."