Forced to quit his CIA analyst job, Osborne Cox (
John Malkovich) vows to write his memoirs -- in between shots of whatever he's drinking at the moment. His chilly wife, Katie (
Tilda Swinton), can't be bothered to be sympathetic; she's too busy sleeping with Harry Pfarrer (
George Clooney), a married federal marshal who's into infidelity, jogging, and hardwood floors. Then Osborne's manifesto-in-progress -- and a bunch of other personal data -- is purloined, falling into the hands of dim-bulb gym trainer Chad Feldheimer (
Brad Pitt) and his coworker Linda Litzky (
Frances McDormand), who desperately yearns for plastic surgery. Linda thinks the manuscript (and, ostensibly, its secrets) could be her ticket to beauty-ville, leading her and Chad down a very messy road. And they're not the only ones on the path, either.