My Bloody Valentine 3-D

  • Review Date: January 15, 2009
  • R
  • Genre: Horror
  • 2009
 Review

Common Sense Media says

Ultra-gory slasher remake isn't for kids.
greenON: Content is age-appropriate for kids this age.
yellowPAUSE: Know your child; some content
may not be right for some kids.
redOFF: Not age-appropriate for kids this age.
not for kidsNOT FOR KIDS: Not appropriate for kids any age.

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Quality
 
Sometimes media can be age appropriate but a real waste of time. Our star rating assesses the media's overall quality.

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Parents say

Kids say

What parents need to know

Parents need to know that this ultra-gory slasher/horror remake is full of foulmouthed, unsavory characters, many of whom end up getting speared by pickaxe blades, shot, dismembered, and/or eviscerated. Human hearts are torn out and put inside chocolate boxes. There's extensive nudity in a sex scene that eventually becomes a nude chase-murder scene. Teenagers drink with abandon, police officers are unethical, husbands are unfaithful, and boyfriends are menacing. Strong language flows freely, from "damn" to "f--k" and everything in between.

  • Repeated themes of infidelity in relationships and cops behaving badly (vigilante justice or worse).
  • Nobody worth emulating here -- the characters are pretty much uniformly unsavory and unsympathetic.
  • Bloody dismembered bodies, characters speared with pickaxes through the skull and torso. One such impaling makes a bloody eyeball pop out of the face. Another rips off a man's jaw and throws it across the film frame. A girl's head is split in two by a shovel. Characters are shot at close range. Visuals of ripped-out human hearts, as well as the gaping chest cavities.
  • Characters make a "sex tape" together in a softcore scene that features both male (from the rear) and female (from about every angle there is) nudity. An extended chase scene shows the same actress fully naked. Dialogue includes references to "hand jobs," marital infidelity, and out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
  • Frequent strong language, including numerous uses of "f--k" and "s--t," as well as "c--k," "p---y," "ass," "bitch," "damn," and "oh my God."
  • Some product names in the background of a grocery store, barely distinct.
  • Cigarette smoking, some drinking (including underaged). One character is obviously drunk. A main character takes some sort of prescription medication for mental illness.

What's the story?

In a small, dreary mining town called Harmony, miner Harry Warden -- who was trapped in a Valentine's Day cave-in -- earns notoriety by pick-axing to death all the miners stuck with him (he wanted all the air for himself). Though found comatose, Harry wakes up to claim additional victims (hospital personnel and partying teens) before being shot and chased into the depths of the mine. Ten years later, on the anniversary of the slaughter, Tom Hannigan (Jensen Ackles) -- who barely escaped Harry the first time -- returns to town to take ownership of his family's mine. An old high-school love triangle rekindles between Tom, volatile young sheriff Axel (Kerr Smith), and Axel's betrayed wife (Jaime King). Coincidentally, a shambling figure in a gas mask and mining uniform recommences pick-axing townspeople and ripping out their hearts to make grotesque Valentines. Is Harry still alive -- or is it some other masked maniac?


Is it any good?

 

MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D remakes a 1981 Canadian "splatter" film of the same name -- which itself was one of many copies of the original Halloween and Friday the 13th that got cranked out when studios discovered young ticket buyers with an insatiable appetite for cheaply produced, graphically explicit gore-sex-murder flicks with a strong teenage vibe. If you were very lucky, there might be a "whodunit" aspect and OK acting to make it more than just sadistic dare-you-to-look locker-room voyeurism.

That's the case with the 2009 MBV, which not only has a climactic twist but also well-done 3-D special effects (a "flat" 2D version was also released). Some visual gimmickry -- like an eyeball popping out -- exploits the "sicko" possibilities of the effects; others are spookier and more subtle, like the slow sweep of a rifle barrel or the lighthouse-like beacon of the killer's flashlight helmet. Only in the last 15 minutes or so are so many items poked and thrown in your face that it becomes deadening overkill. It may or may not help that this shocker treats the whole plot seriously, not parodying the trashy cliches of such shockers the way the popular Scream movies do.


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What families can talk about

  • Families can talk about the appeal of this type of horror movie. Why do audiences enjoy watching people be hideously killed? How does seeing this type of violence affect viewers?

  • How does this kind of horror film compare to scares in older movies of the 1950s, '40s,
    and '30s, when audiences got their thrills from the tamer Dracula, Wolf
    Man, or Black Lagoon creature?

  • Parents, ask your teens about their
    favorite horror movies or slasher villains. Why do they like them? What
    sets one apart from the other?


This review was written by Charles Cassady Jr.
Teen, 14 years old
July 17, 2010
 
ADULTS ONLY!
This is R for a good reason. Guy gets eye poked out by pickaxe, (eye ball shown protruding out of his head, and then sucked back in again, leaving a bloody hole where his eye should be.) This movie is not scary at all, however it is very gory, and there is one graphic, intense sex scene. (2 people are at a Valentines Day motel, and you see the guy laying down, while the girl is going up and down on his penis. her boobs are shown clearly. During sex scene, the word c**k is used in association with f**k.... You get the point. He tapes the sex, and the girl gets mad. She screams I am no hooker! The guy then says: you are now! She looks through her purse to find a gun, and follows him outside screaming: f**k you frank! Give me that f**king tape! (Her vagina and boobs are graphically shown in this seen. Soon later they are both killed, ya ya ya. Not very scary, but violent.... At one scene they show some girls head getting cut in half with a shovel. The rest if her body slips down. I loved it, but not very good story. PARENTS: THIS ONE IS NOT FOR KIDS! This is a great movie, but so is Friday the 13th, and it's like the same thing, exept a little better, and they don't show vaginas.

Flag as inappropriate 
Teen, 18 years old
September 13, 2009
 
I didn't like it. It was boring and didn't scare me at all. Lots of explicit violence and sexual content.

Flag as inappropriate 
Teen, 15 years old
August 14, 2009
 
great for littel kids and 3 years old
i love very mucth with my brother and littel baby i want to tell all the parent to allow there kids to see that movie

Flag as inappropriate 
Teen, 17 years old
November 21, 2009
 
only good seen in 3-D
i went to see this with my little cousins, and my mom in 3-D. alot of parts made them jump and i wuz laughing the entire time. it'll take more than this to scare me. although i did have to cover my cousin's eyes on that long scene with a woman running around naked! that part really wuz not called for. at least they could of made her wear underwear.

Flag as inappropriate 
Adult
April 12, 2010
 
Possibly ok for older teens
Besides the woman streaking around naked and the gore of having a jaw ripped off with a pick-ax this movie should be OK for most mature older teens, but keep in mind the overall horror as a factor.

Flag as inappropriate 
Parent of 8, 13, and 15 year old
September 28, 2009
 
YUCK! CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T SEE THIS!
I Went To See This With My BFF And We Closed Are Eyes For The Whole Movie. This Movie Has Nonstop Gore And Sex! My Bloody Valentine Is Not A Good Movie To See.

Flag as inappropriate 
Adult
May 25, 2009
 
3D FOR ADULTS!!!
This is a bad way to advertise a movie. Kids love 3D movies and i dont think adults would really care to see a adult horror movie in 3D or to see it at all. I saw part of the movie in 2D and nearly fainted when the guys eyeball got poked out. YUCK!

Flag as inappropriate 
Teen, 14 years old
November 13, 2010
 
innapropriate not that scary suprisingly
blood and guts galore isnt scary but is highly innapropriate but since i have family values and morals i was mature enough to watch this movie and can tell you it wasnt a terrible movie just average.

Flag as inappropriate 
Teen, 14 years old
April 12, 2011
 
NOt that inappropriate!! Pretty good movie actually!
NOt that inappropriate, but there is a decent amount of violence

Flag as inappropriate 
Parent of 14 year old
August 25, 2009
 
My Brutal Exerience
This movie has almost every single problem. The movie has graphic violence althroughout the entire movie. There is one major sex scene that very explict and non stop swearing throughout the whole moive. The movie begins with a big party which involves drinking. The whole movie does not have any good role models and there is no positive messages.

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This review was written by Charles Cassady Jr.
Studio:Lionsgate
Director:Patrick Lussier
Cast:Jaime King, Jensen Ackles, Kerr Smith
Genre:Horror
Run time:101 minutes
Theatrical release date:January 16, 2009
DVD release date:May 19, 2009
MPAA rating:R
MPAA explanation:graphic brutal horror violence and grisly images throughout, some strong sexuality, graphic nudity and language

This review was written by Charles Cassady Jr.
 

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About our rating system
ON: Content is age-appropriate for kids this age.
PAUSE: Know your child; some content may not be right for some kids.
OFF: Not age-appropriate for kids this age.
Learning ratings
BEST: Really engaging, great learning approach.
GOOD: Pretty engaging, good learning approach.
FAIR: Somewhat engaging, OK learning approach.
NOT FOR LEARNING: Not recommended for learning.

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