How does online content affect my son's self-image?
Boys often encounter content online about "what a real man should look and act like"—including answers like muscles, money, and confidence. Even if they don't search for this material, algorithms push it their way. This can make boys feel like they need to look a certain way, behave in a certain way, or measure up to unrealistic ideals. Boys with high exposure to this type of content are more likely to report feeling "useless" or that they are "no good," and they may hide hurt feelings to appear strong. Younger boys might copy styles they see online, while teens may compare themselves to influencers or peers. That pressure can lead to stress, low self-esteem, or pulling away from others.
What you can do (with conversation starters):
- I keep seeing posts with guys who look super ripped or have crazy expensive stuff. What kinds of posts do you notice most in your feed? Do you think it reflects real life?
- Ever wonder why those videos keep popping up? What do you think the app wants you to do/think/feel when you watch them?
- When you see stuff like that, what goes through your head? How does that kind of stuff make you feel about yourself—or about other people?
- That character in [show/movie] had a rough time but figured things out. What do you think makes someone confident in real life, compared to what influencers sometimes show? Who do you think handles challenges in a way that feels real to you?
How do influencers really impact my son?
Influencers aren't just people with big followings—they feel personal. They talk directly to their audience, share daily routines, and seem relatable, which makes their opinions feel like advice from a friend. That's why boys sometimes trust influencers more than celebrities or even adults in their lives. This influence can be positive—some offer tips, humor, or encouragement.
But many also push narrow ideas about what it means to be a man: always strong, always confident, always in control. Boys who spend a lot of time with this content may start comparing themselves, feeling like they don't measure up, or copying behaviors without thinking about the consequences. For younger boys, that might mean imitating styles or attitudes; for teens, it can lead to stress, shame, or hiding emotions to "look strong."
What you can do (with conversation starters):
- Ask about the influencers they follow. "Who do you like watching on YouTube or TikTok? What's cool about them?"
- Encourage critical thinking. "Do you think what they post shows their whole life, or just the best parts? What might be missing? Have they ever said something you didn't agree with? How did you feel about that?"
- Balance online influences with real-world role models. "That gamer you follow is funny—what do you like about them? Is there anyone in the real world that you compare them to?"
How can I best support emotional expression?
Boys with high exposure to digital masculinity content may feel pressure to hide vulnerability. From an early age, boys often hear messages like "be tough" or "don't cry." These ideas teach them that showing feelings is a weakness. Online spaces can take that pressure up a notch. Influencers and viral content often celebrate confidence, control, and dominance—rarely vulnerability. Comment sections can be harsh, and algorithms reward bold, "alpha" behavior, making it seem like the only way to belong is to act strong, stay silent about struggles, and dismiss the feelings of others. When boys absorb these messages, they may start hiding their feelings or pretending nothing bothers them, even when they're stressed or hurt. Over time, that can lead to loneliness, anxiety, or trouble with friendships.
The good news? Most boys still care deeply about others and want to connect. They just need safe ways to share what's really going on inside.
What you can do:
- Model how to express a range of emotions yourself—especially for dads, older brothers, uncles, and grandfathers. "I had a hard day at work and felt so frustrated. Talking about it helps me. Do you ever feel that way?"
- It's also appropriate to model crying when experiencing grief, happiness, or overwhelming moments, showing that tears are a natural human response, not a sign of weakness.
- Create safe spaces for talking. "I know it can be hard to talk about feelings, but you can always tell me what's going on. I won't judge."
- Use examples from media. "That character seemed sad but didn't say anything. What do you think he was feeling? Have you ever felt like that?"
- How can I make you more comfortable sharing your thoughts with me? When you shared your thoughts/feelings with me in the past, what did you appreciate the most in that conversation?
How do I support my son's real-world connections?
Even when online communities provide some level of social connection, the quality and depth of those connections can't replace the real-life relationships that boys need for healthy development. Most social media posts are highlight reels—wins, jokes, confidence—not the full picture. That can make friendships feel shallow and comparisons feel intense. In real life, boys experience the whole person: the good moments and the hard ones. They learn how to read facial expressions, hear tone of voice, and work through disagreements—skills that build empathy and trust. These deeper connections help boys feel truly known and supported, something a curated feed can't replace. Research shows that boys with at least one trusted friend or adult in real life have higher self-esteem and are less likely to feel lonely. Real-world relationships give them a safe place to share feelings, get honest feedback, and feel accepted for who they are, not just the version they post online.
What you can do:
- Prioritize family time. "Let's plan a movie night this weekend. You pick what we watch."
- Connect digital interests to offline activities. "You like watching those basketball highlight clips. Want to go shoot hoops together?" or "That cooking video looked amazing. Should we try making the recipe?"
- Encourage positive online spaces with offline tie-ins. "I know you play that game online. How about inviting a friend over to play in person?"
You can also encourage in-person connections with positive community role models: teachers, coaches, clergy members, barbers, and more.
