Common Sense Media Review
By Joly Herman
,
based on child development research. How do we rate?
Remarkable, intimate exploration of ethnic identity.
Parents Need to Know
Why Age 10+?
Any Positive Content?
Where to Read
What's the Story?
In HOW TO FIND WHAT YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR, it's 1967 and 12-year-old Ariel Goldman's got a problem. For one thing, her sister Leah is pretty much perfect -- smart, lovely, a promising ballet dancer. Ariel is "the lazy one," who isn't "that pretty," or "that smart." In fact, things don't come easily for Ariel, especially her handwriting, which is ridiculed by kids at school. The fact that her family is Jewish also makes her a target in her predominately White, Christian town in Connecticut. The problems get bigger when Leah tells her a secret that feels too important to keep. Ariel's Ma has pretty sharp lie-detection skills, and this secret feels very big. Can Ari stay true to her sister's wishes and play along with her scheme? Or will the secret explode, changing everything that Ari has even known?
Is It Any Good?
This is a richly layered and beautifully told story about bringing races and ethnicities together in a time when differences were the norm. How to Find What You're Not Looking For has introspection built into its very fabric. Written in the second person, the reader becomes a "you" living life as a Jewish girl in a world where interracial marriages have only just been legally allowed. This "you," is Ariel Goldberg, whose world is turned upsode down when her sister elopes with a man whose family immigrated from India. "You" stuggle with writing, with organizing things, with school in general. "Your" parents keep their heads down, managing to run a beloved bakery in a town where people paint swastikas on the bakery window.
Ari also begins an artistic journey, writing poetry that helps her express herself when life is overwhelming. Because of the successful use of the "you" voice, this act also feels intimate, and the expression that Ari engages in becomes the reader's expression as well. The topics that the book addresses consequently become intimate in a way that will become very relatable to kids. This is a memorable read that touches on a historically indelible time.
Talk to Your Kids About ...
Families can talk about bullying in How to Find What You're Not Looking For. This story takes place in the 1960s, before the internet was around. How does the bullying in this book differ from the bullying kids experience now, especially online?
The book takes place during a time when teens and young people were smoking more and experimenting with drugs. How has this changed? How is it the same?
The main character in this story has a learning disability. How does she struggle before she gets help? How does she feel once her learning disability is recognized?
Book Details
- Author :
- Genre : Literary Fiction
- Topics : Activism , Cooking , Family Stories ( Siblings ) , Friendship , School ( Middle School )
- Book type : Fiction
- Publisher : Kokila
- Publication date : September 14, 2021
- Publisher's recommended age(s) : 8 - 12
- Number of pages : 384
- Available on : Nook, Audiobook (unabridged), Hardback, Apple Books, Kindle
- Last updated : September 29, 2025
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