Common Sense Media Review
By Mary Krawczyk
,
based on child development research. How do we rate?
Slow-burn romance has friendship, growing pains, heartbreak.
Parents Need to Know
Why Age 15+?
Any Positive Content?
Where to Read
Parent and Kid Reviews
Based on 10 parent reviews
Based on 54 kid reviews
Kids say this book evokes strong emotions, leaving many readers feeling deeply connected to the characters and their struggles with serious themes like love, depression, and trauma. While it features intense plot twists and explores difficult subjects such as suicide and teenage pregnancy, opinions are divided on its explicit content, with some finding it essential to character development and others labeling it excessive.
- emotional connection
- serious themes
- divided opinions
- character struggles
- explicit content
Summarized with AI
Summarized with AI
What's the Story?
In IF HE HAD BEEN WITH ME, Autumn and Phineas (Finny) are neighbors who were born a week apart. Their mothers are best friends, and they eat dinners and spend holidays together like a family. Autumn and Finny were inseparable through childhood. But a spontaneous kiss between them in eighth grade changes their relationship. As the story follows Autumn and Finny through their high school years, they rarely interact outside of their "family" gatherings. They each find different friend groups and have long-term dating relationships. Despite that, their childhood bond remains, and their attraction grows. As Autumn deals with the ins and outs of high school, family difficulties, and depression, Finny is always on her mind. He's also always there to support her in hard times. At the end of senior year, Autumn's boyfriend breaks up with her, and Finny's girlfriend travels to Europe. The old friends start to spend lots of time together. Will they tell each other how they really feel? Will it be too late?
Is It Any Good?
This is a slow-burn romance that focuses on the main character's story and thoughts. In If He Had Been with Me, we see family, friendship, high school, and romance through Autumn's point of view. The storytelling is simple and repetitive. It's unclear whether that's meant to convey Autumn's voice or is just the author's style. There's little plot and not much action as Autumn, Finny, and their friends move through high school. Finny stands out as a role model: He's empathetic and compassionate. Teen readers may relate to some of the characters' experiences, such as shifts in friend groups, cliques, and trying on various identities.
Some of the awkwardness and instability of high school is portrayed realistically. On the other hand, the dating relationships seem unrealistic. Young teens in the first weeks and months of dating talk about getting married, buying a house, and raising children together. And unprotected sex and teen pregnancy are handled in a troubling way, with little exploration of the negative consequences. On the other hand, depression and mental health are handled sensitively, if not in depth. The story's sad ending is hinted at strongly not only in the first chapter but also throughout the story. Given the lack of action, some readers may be tempted to skip to the end.
Talk to Your Kids About ...
Families can talk about sex and love in If He Had Been with Me. The teen characters talk a lot about both. Do you think the book realistically portrays how teenagers think about love and sex? Why, or why not?
It's mentioned often that Autumn is odd or weird, with the evidence being that she dyes her hair unnatural colors, wears a tiara through much of high school, and enjoys reading and writing poetry and stories. Would you describe those actions as odd or weird? Why, or why not?
Phineas is a compassionate and empathetic friend. He's often described as sweet in the book. In what ways is he kind to Autumn and other characters in the book? In what ways does he try to understand others' experiences and viewpoints?
Book Details
- Author :
- Genre : Romance
- Topics : Friendship , School ( High School , Middle School )
- Character Strengths : Compassion , Empathy
- Book type : Fiction
- Publisher : Sourcebooks Fire
- Publication date : April 1, 2013
- Publisher's recommended age(s) : 14 - 18
- Number of pages : 400
- Available on : Paperback, Audiobook (unabridged), Apple Books, Kindle, App
- Last updated : October 9, 2025
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