Valensteins

In VALENSTEINS, characters from Ethan Long's Fright Club -- Vladimir the vampire, a witch, a mummy, a ghost, and a werewolf, plus a bunny, a turtle, and a squirrel -- are assembled in their tree house when they notice the big green-faced, flat-topped Fran K. Stein cutting something out of pink construction paper. The mummy holds it upside down and says, "It looks like a paper butt!" Then Bunny turns it right side up and says, "This is a heart, everyone! When you love someone, you cut one of these out and and give it to them on Valentine's Day!" The witch looks shocked and asks, "Do you think Fran ... gulp ... is in LOVE?" They all scream, "EEK!" Then the ghost asks, "What's LOVE?" Bunny explains, "That's when two people feel all mushy mushy about each other." "Ewww!" cry the monsters. Bunny goes on: "But here's the crazy part! When they get really, really in love ... they ... they ... THEY KISS ON THE LIPS!" The crowd shouts, "EEEEWWW!" Then Fran goes outside and sits on a tree branch holding his pink heart. He sees a tall-haired girl who looks like the Bride of Frankenstein picking flowers, who climbs up and joins him on the branch. "And that's when he was reminded that love isn't about being mushy mushy or fluttering your eyes or kissing someone on the lips ... and it certainly isn't about cutting out paper hearts," says the unseen narrator. "It's about something you feel in your real heart, even if it does feel a little funny sometimes."