Parents' Guide to Touhou Kobuto V: Burst Battle

Games like this arena fighter simply leave you scratching your head wondering how it even saw the light of day, it's so bad. Some games dazzle with flashy visuals and an epic musical score. Some might have high-octane, adrenaline-fueled action, while others captivate with deep stories and fascinating characters. This isn't one of those titles. The game is supposed to be an action-packed fighter filled with the "bullet hell" shooting and dodging the Touhou series has been known for. Instead, what players get is a slow, sluggish mess that looks like it was scraped from the dusty remains of a decade-old clearance bin.

Things start to fall apart right from the opening moments. The game's anime-style still shots look nothing at all like their in-game counterparts. During gameplay, the characters look more like toy dolls or little kids. Moving around the arena feels like you're swimming through a pool of molasses, and the combat controls are a convoluted mess. Attacks change depending on where you are in relation to your opponent, but it's hard to gauge just where those attacks evolve. You might think you're going to shoot a laser, but wind up swinging a punch at nothing instead. It's all the more frustrating when your attack gauges run out and leave you defenseless. It might not be fair to call the game completely unplayable, but there's nothing here that makes Touhou Kobuto V: Burst Battle worth playing.