Parents' Guide to Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights

Somebody, please put this baby in a corner. Despite its name, this movie is not a sequel. In Hollywood terms, it is a "re-imagining" of the first film, which basically means it has attempted to recreate it but completely missed the point. It does not have the characters, setting, or plot of the original. It does not have the heart or the charm or the chemistry. Worst of all, it does not have the dancing. There are some slinky moves, but the camera keeps cutting away from the big dance numbers for reaction shots. Since there is barely enough of a plot to sustain a heartbeat, this probably means that the leads were not good enough dancers to do several different steps in a row, and it was intended to be distracting, pretty much defeating the entire purpose of the movie in the first place.

I have seen mayonnaise with more personality than the stars of this movie. And I have seen Jell-o with more excitement than the plot of this movie. It isn't that Garai and Luna have no chemistry with each other. They have anti-chemistry so powerful it seems to slow down the whole time-space continuum. There's a subtle reprise of the first movie's theme song and Patrick Swayze appears briefly as a dance teacher, just to underscore's this version's inferiority.