Parents' Guide to London Fields

Based on a novel by Martin Amis, this shabby, wildly uneven neo-noir is a total mess, coasting on the surface of several cartoonish characters as they interact without rhyme, reason, or purpose. Directed by music video maker Mathew Cullen, London Fields is partly stylish, mainly in the opulent apartment occupied by Samson, and in the many slinky, stunning outfits worn by Nicola, but it's mostly scraggy and nasty-looking in a very unpleasant way. The characters occupy the unrealistic spaces uneasily, and none of them even seem to be human, let alone possess the ability to connect with any of the others.

As Samson works on his book, there's talk about whether Nicola will be a one-dimensional character -- and, in the movie, she actually is, along with everyone else. Her actions are purely based on her looks and charms. There never seems to be a point, and nothing else happens. At least Heard is a decent femme fatale. On the other hand, Sturgess overacts horribly in his role, looking like a walking scab, his mouth perpetually open in a scowl to reveal yellow teeth and a flicking tongue. Even scarred, accented Depp is subtler (and that's rare). As if unsure of what else to do, Cullen throws in a dance sequence (set to the tune of Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing"), followed immediately by an FX-driven drug-trip sequence. None of it comes together.