Parents' Guide to Panama

Nearly shameless in its attempts to re-create the feel of a low-budget 1980s action flick, this un-thrilling movie also forgets to tell a coherent story -- or to make viewers care at all. Set just before 1989's "Operation Just Cause," in which the United States invaded Panama and ousted dictator Manuel Noriega, the clumsy, low-budget Panama doesn't really use that story for any purpose. Rather, it gives viewers a rapid-fire exposition dump and plenty of distractions and padding, such as various sex/nude scenes and a completely gratuitous motorcycle chase through the jungle.

The director is Mark Neveldine, best known for the lunatic, high-energy Crank movies, who has fallen a long way since then. Now his action is just confusing. He can't even manage a stable tone, wildly swinging from Gibson's gung-ho line reading of "Let me tell you ... there's nothing more rock 'n' roll than taking out the bad guys for the Red, White, and Blue" to a solemn view of a refugee camp filled with victims of war. Panama seems unaware of history's gray areas as well, choosing to look past the invasion's illegal aspects. As for the performances, Hauser isn't much of a hero, Gibson is barely on-screen (though he cheerfully narrates throughout), and not one woman in the cast is anything more than a sex object. In short, this is less "Panama Canal" and more "root canal."