Parents' Guide to Porch Pirates

This comedy isn't very funny, but since it's a family film, the tone is soft and lighthearted. But the tone of Porch Pirates can't save it from being bland and poorly executed. There are many structural problems, like how the characters are unimaginative and uncompelling (the main characters are the two cops, not the thieves), how the primary gimmick is weakly conceived (it also doesn't help that the gang of thieves look like teenagers), or how many elements of the script aren't thought through (for example, police don't decide sentences). Further, it's hard not to mention the subpar acting, which leads to many scenes feeling stilted, awkward, and, at worst, cringe. There is absolutely zero chemistry between any of the main characters.

The "villains," or thieving gang of young adults, also don't inspire. None of their characters are developed at all, and, oddly, the most compelling member ends up being the one who "messes everything up." Again, more logical issues keep popping up, which will make most viewers ask questions like, "Why would the thieves not mask their IP addresses from the beginning?" or "How does no one ever see the same thieves steal packages, in the hundreds, over a span of weeks?" Generally, though, much of this film is frankly boring, especially for a family comedy. Even the climax, which should be thrilling, just happens. Too many scenes clearly don't do anything for the plot, characters, flow, or momentum, and they could have easily been cut, which would also have helped trim the run time down to a more palatable 90 minutes.