Common Sense Media Review
By Barbara Shulgasser-Parker
,
based on child development research. How do we rate?
Terrible three-quel has some drinking, mild language.
Parents Need to Know
Why Age 13+?
Any Positive Content?
Where to Watch
Videos and Photos
Squared Love Everlasting
Parent and Kid Reviews
What's the Story?
SQUARED LOVE EVERLASTING is the third in a Polish series about the romance between Enzo (Mateusz Banasiuk), a self-absorbed showboat/car enthusiast, and Monika (Adrianna Chlebicka), an introverted model-elementary school teacher. The mismatched couple weathers yet another obstacle to their future happiness in this installment. A meddlesome priest insists he marry them, but he won't do so until Enzo makes amends to Ewa (Ina Sobala), a bohemian former girlfriend Enzo doesn't even remember and, who, it turns out, may or may not have given birth to his son. Enzo brings the flighty, hard-drinking, and irresponsible Ewa and her young son to Warsaw to show the priest that he's square with this ex. But Ewa finagles her way into the couple's lives, moving in with Enzo and Monika, using their credit card, and disappearing for days at a time, leaving her son behind. She exploits Enzo's enthusiasm for having a ready-made child and shamelessly flirts in an effort to replace Monika in Enzo's affections. More trouble brews in a subplot involving Monika's kindly car mechanic dad and his wealthy lover as they negotiate the stumbling block set by her spoiled and entitled son, who's come from America to break his mom's romance and keep his mom's money.
Is It Any Good?
Squared Love Everlasting is about as unnecessary a movie as was ever made. Every single minute of it feels false. Dumb premises are stacked on impossible premises and those sit on never-could-happen-in-a-million-years premises. Enzo's told an obviously treacherous woman that she can't drive his car and then he leaves the keys in the car for her to, you guessed it, drive off in his car. The common comic trope in which lead characters allow other characters to move into their homes, take over their lives, "borrow" their money, and otherwise impose themselves unrealistically takes up most of this hard-to-watch, annoying display of good-looking actors flailing their way through dreadful material.
When the groom's childhood priest insists he will marry Enzo and Monika, why doesn't Enzo just say "no"? Because if he did, the rest of the movie couldn't happen. And that, the priest would probably agree, would have been a blessing.
Talk to Your Kids About ...
Families can talk about all the ways this story feels forced and slapped together. Does it make sense? How could it be improved?
When the plot depends on manufactured conflicts -- a priest insists on marrying a couple -- does it affect the audience's response? If yes, in what way?
Do you think it takes creativity to tell a story well? Does this movie demonstrate any creativity? What about this story works? What doesn't?
If you have watched the previous two movies, how does this one compare? Do you think the story warrants another sequel? Why or why not?
Movie Details
- On DVD or streaming : August 23, 2023
- Cast : Mateusz Banasiuk , Adrianna Chlebicka , Ina Sobala
- Director : Filip Zylber
- Inclusion Information : Female Movie Actor(s) , Female Movie Writer(s)
- Studio : Netflix
- Genre : Romance
- Run time : 102 minutes
- MPAA rating :
- Last updated : September 6, 2023
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