The Requin

Beyond the terrible writing, the shrill acting, the cheap-looking CGI, and the excruciatingly cruel backstory, this abominable shark movie commits the sin of barely even featuring any sharks. Considering that the movie is called The Requin -- which is a type of tropical shark -- you'd be forgiven for expecting that there ought to be some sharks showing up at least in the first hour. Instead, we have to suffer through a dippy pop song, a mournful music score, a couple grieving and mourning, some montages, and lots of scenes of Kyle being ineffectual and Jaelyn whimpering. The turning point is when they mutually decide that it would be a good idea to signal a passing ship by lighting a fire on their wooden raft. No kidding.

The first shark attack goes quickly when Jaelyn takes out two sharks with a pointy stick. (Again, not kidding.) And then we wait a painfully long time as they drift and sleep and get more and more sunburned and salt-encrusted. The climax is marred by bad, dislocated CG effects and jumpy shark footage. Ultimately, it's not clear which of the cinematic crimes the movie commits is worse: introducing us to characters who are dim and annoying and still expecting us to get on board with their story or using the death of a child as a way to gain sympathy. Either way, The Requin is surely one of the worst shark attack movies ever made, if not the worst. (Yes, that includes Jaws: The Revenge.)