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Parents' Guide to

We Don't Live Here Anymore

By Nell Minow, Common Sense Media Reviewer

age 18+

Movie about adultery for adults only.

Movie R 2004 103 minutes
We Don't Live Here Anymore Poster Image

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What you will—and won't—find in this movie.

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What's the Story?

In WE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE, two couples' lives overlap so completely that the boundaries between them are beginning to dissolve. Jack (Mark Ruffalo) gets angry at Terry (Laura Dern) for being a poor housekeeper and drinking too much. He is having an affair with Edith (Naomi Watts), who is married to his colleague and best friend Hank (Peter Krause). We first see them at a casual, slightly boozy evening together. Jack and Edith go out to get more beer, but the real reason is some passionate kisses and a chance to make plans to meet the next day. It is easy to feel the pull of Edith's appeal. She has neat platinum hair and glowing porcelain skin. Her home is orderly and comfortable and brimming with light. She likes Jack a lot and never nags him. And what they have feels new and fresh to both of them. Maybe, too, there is some appeal is taking something from his close friend Hank, who is more successful. Hank wants everyone to feel loved, even Edith. And if Jack loves her, it takes pressure off of him. Jack wants to feel love, and thinks he may love Edith. Terry loves Jack and wants him to love her in spite of her failings, maybe because of them. And Jack feels so guilty about not loving her the way she wants (and deserves) that he hopes she will stray so that he can feel justified.

Is It Any Good?

Our review:
Parents say Not yet rated
Kids say (1 ):

The direction is exceptionally thoughtful and rich with detail, and the acting is superb. Situated somewhere between John Updike and Knott's Landing, this is a story of suburban angst and adultery, with meaningful glances, inexpressible longing, fumbled groping, and a lot of hangovers. Some will find this all hideously self-involved, while many will find it heart-breakingly poignant and insightful in that Tolstoy-esque "every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" category. But for me it all became too in love with itself. Color schemes that made Edith look moonbeamy by keeping her in white and close calls with an onrushing train and children standing too close to the edge of a cliff felt heavy and suffocating instead of rich and transcendent.

Yet it draws a lot of power not just from the intense intelligence behind it at every level but from the mirror quality any ambitious story about marriage offers its audience by the simple virtue of locating itself in the core of human hope and doubt. Forget about sharks and aliens. The characters in this movie may not live here anymore, but this is exactly where the rest of us live and where we fight every day to keep living.

Talk to Your Kids About ...

  • Families can talk about why the characters find it so difficult to feel love and feel loved.

Movie Details

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