Common Sense Media Review
By Tara McNamara
,
based on child development research. How do we rate?
Funny, talky dramedy has strong language, pot use.
Parents Need to Know
Why Age 15+?
Any Positive Content?
Where to Watch
Videos and Photos
You Hurt My Feelings
What's the Story?
In YOU HURT MY FEELINGS, author/creative writing teacher Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and therapist Don (Tobias Menzies) are a long-married Manhattan couple whose relationship seems totally aspirational: They're so in love and happy in each other's company that it can actually make their 23-year-old son, Eliot (Owen Teague), feel like a third wheel. Then Beth inadvertently overhears Don criticizing her latest manuscript. Feeling both embarrassed and betrayed, Beth grapples to understand how the man who loves her could not love something she created -- and, if that's really the case, why he wouldn't tell her the truth.
Is It Any Good?
Writer-director Nicole Holofcener's exploration of the truth about lying doesn't just make you laugh: It makes you catch the eye of the person sitting next to you while you laugh together. Living up to the comedy mantra, "It's funny because it's true," the humor in You Hurt My Feelings comes from the characters' realistic reactions to family relationships and work challenges.
Holofcener offers viewers plenty to chew on. Some of it is intended to create deep thought: When it comes to our work, what is a spouse's role? Where is the line between encouraging and misleading? And should we gauge our creative output based on one person's opinion or trust ourselves? Other moments are more slice-of-life, meant to broaden some viewers' perspective. For example, Beth's aging mother is adamant that older people not be infantilized. And it's made clear that while volunteer work is often rewarding (and the right thing to do if you can), you shouldn't go into it expecting to puff yourself up with gratitude from the recipients of your labors, because it may not come. In fact, you're very likely to get a negative reaction at some point, so it's important to be secure and comfortable with who we are. You Hurt My Feelings isn't about the big things, it's about the complexity of the little things, the little hurts from those we love and how those impact our self-esteem.
Talk to Your Kids About ...
Families can talk about "little white lies" and how they're approached in You Hurt My Feelings. Would you prefer that your loved ones give you their honest opinion, even if it hurts, or do you prefer encouraging words, even if they're not totally honest? What are the pros and cons of each? If someone fibs to be supportive, does it mean they don't have integrity?
What's your definition of "success"? How do you think the movie's characters would answer that question? Why is it important to show that everyone has moments in which they question their ability to succeed?
Both Beth and her brother-in-law, Mark, are shown expressing their emotions by crying. What's the media's role in validating emotional expression by people of all genders?
How do Beth and Sarah demonstrate service to others? Does the fact that not everyone who receives their help is grateful diminish the value of what they're doing?
Does You Hurt My Feelings glamorize drinking or drug use?
Movie Details
- In theaters : May 26, 2023
- On DVD or streaming : August 22, 2023
- Cast : Julia Louis-Dreyfus , Tobias Menzies , Michaela Watkins
- Director : Nicole Holofcener
- Inclusion Information : Female Movie Actor(s)
- Studio : A24
- Genre : Comedy
- Topics : Family Stories ( Siblings )
- Run time : 93 minutes
- MPAA rating :
- MPAA explanation : language
- Last updated : September 18, 2025
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