You're Not You

Movie review by
Barbara Shulgasser-Parker, Common Sense Media
You're Not You Movie Poster Image
Emotional ALS drama has sad scenes, strong language.
  • R
  • 2014
  • 103 minutes

Parents say

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Kids say

age 13+
Based on 1 review

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The parents' guide to what's in this movie.

Positive Messages

This is a sad but meaningful story about a devastating, incurable disease that strikes a young, talented woman. Her loved ones behave badly and then well as they cope with their grief, and she does her best to appreciate the life she's led and let go of what she can't control.

Positive Role Models & Representations

Kate shows strength and courage in her fight to maintain her dignity as she succumbs to ALS. Bec has led a reckless and irresponsible life, shunning commitment and distancing herself from others. Through caring for Kate, Bec ultimately turns her life around.


The story is about a woman who dies from an incurable disease, but none of what she suffers is violent -- just sad and upsetting.


A man and woman are shown in an obscured sex act; no nudity. Another scene depicts two clothed adults after implied sex. For one character, sex is unconnected to commitment, love, or affection. One character has sex with a stranger. Two characters have sex with people married to others.


Liberal conversational use of "s--t," "f--k," "ass," "a--hole," "tits," "hell," and "bang."

Drinking, Drugs & Smoking

Characters are shown drinking; ALS patients and their friends are shown smoking marijuana.

What parents need to know

Parents need to know that You're Not You is a frank description of the steady decline of a concert pianist named Kate (Hilary Swank) who's diagnosed with the fatal degenerative disease ALS when she's 35. The film depicts her and those around her in all their frailty and human failings as they struggle to cope with the devastation of her condition. Adults and children alike may find it difficult to watch Swank's expert portrayal of diminishing physical capacity, including incomprehensible speech and labored breathing. The movie addresses questions of invasive, life-prolonging procedures and how decisions about them should be made. Children 13 and younger will understand the issues but may find them too emotional to handle. Expect strong language ("f--k," "s--t," and more), scenes of implied sex (no nudity), drinking, and marijuana use.

User Reviews

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Teen, 13 years old Written byBest6634 July 21, 2020

Really good movie

I believe it is an amazing movie, I watched with my sister and I loved it. Just get ready for crying your eyes out. It swears quite a bit and their is smoking... Continue reading

What's the story?

Concert pianist Kate (Hilary Swank) is living the ideal life with her handsome, devoted husband (Josh Duhamel), when Lou Gherig's disease (ALS) strikes her down at age 35. The strain of her care leads him to stray with his secretary, and -- in a fit of guilt for the way her illness has robbed him of their once wonderful life -- she kicks him out. Around the same time, Kate inexplicably hires Bec (Emmy Rossum), an irresponsible college student, to care for her. Bec gradually leaves her selfish ways behind as she warms to Kate and dedicates herself to her care. Kate pegs Bec for the perfect representative to stand up to family and advisors when the inevitable moment for a respirator arrives. Bec keeps her promise and brings Kate home from the hospital to die.

Is it any good?

Early developments in YOU'RE NOT YOU's plot -- i.e., Kate hiring the unqualified Bec, and Bec's rebirth as a compassionate caretaker -- feel forced and unbelievable. But once the writers awkwardly work their way around the transformation of the distant, foul-mouthed, and insensitive Bec into a reliable, emotionally supportive advocate and friend, the movie is beautifully executed and emotionally true.

It's worth noting that in its advocacy for a patient's right to die without the use of invasive procedures, the film ignores the kind of palliative care provided by hospice, which allows patients to avoid mechanical intervention (a ventilator) but offers, for example, morphine to ease the suffering of respiratory failure. Perhaps the filmmakers feared such a choice would have lessened the drama of Kate's death. In any case, the performances here are moving and strong. While the content will, on its face, be understandable to children 10 and above, relationship subtleties may go over their head, and they may find the subjects of disability and inevitable, painful death too difficult to bear.

Talk to your kids about ...

  • Families can talk about how tragedy brings out the best in some people and the worst in others. Why do you think that is? Which characters in You're Not You fall into each category?

  • How might caring for a sick person bring out the best in a person who has previously been selfish and insensitive?

  • Do you think the characters are intended to be role models? How can you tell?

  • Why do you think a terminally ill patient might prefer to die at home without medical intervention rather than immobilized by a respirator?

Movie details

Our editors recommend

For kids who love drama

Themes & Topics

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