Parents' Guide to

You're Not You

By Barbara Shulgasser-Parker, Common Sense Media Reviewer

age 14+

Emotional ALS drama has sad scenes, strong language.

Movie R 2014 103 minutes
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What's the Story?

Concert pianist Kate (Hilary Swank) is living the ideal life with her handsome, devoted husband (Josh Duhamel), when Lou Gherig's disease (ALS) strikes her down at age 35. The strain of her care leads him to stray with his secretary, and -- in a fit of guilt for the way her illness has robbed him of their once wonderful life -- she kicks him out. Around the same time, Kate inexplicably hires Bec (Emmy Rossum), an irresponsible college student, to care for her. Bec gradually leaves her selfish ways behind as she warms to Kate and dedicates herself to her care. Kate pegs Bec for the perfect representative to stand up to family and advisors when the inevitable moment for a respirator arrives. Bec keeps her promise and brings Kate home from the hospital to die.

Is It Any Good?

Our review:
Parents say Not yet rated
Kids say (1):

Early developments in YOU'RE NOT YOU's plot -- i.e., Kate hiring the unqualified Bec, and Bec's rebirth as a compassionate caretaker -- feel forced and unbelievable. But once the writers awkwardly work their way around the transformation of the distant, foul-mouthed, and insensitive Bec into a reliable, emotionally supportive advocate and friend, the movie is beautifully executed and emotionally true.

It's worth noting that in its advocacy for a patient's right to die without the use of invasive procedures, the film ignores the kind of palliative care provided by hospice, which allows patients to avoid mechanical intervention (a ventilator) but offers, for example, morphine to ease the suffering of respiratory failure. Perhaps the filmmakers feared such a choice would have lessened the drama of Kate's death. In any case, the performances here are moving and strong. While the content will, on its face, be understandable to children 10 and above, relationship subtleties may go over their head, and they may find the subjects of disability and inevitable, painful death too difficult to bear.

Talk to Your Kids About ...

  • Families can talk about how tragedy brings out the best in some people and the worst in others. Why do you think that is? Which characters in You're Not You fall into each category?

  • How might caring for a sick person bring out the best in a person who has previously been selfish and insensitive?

  • Do you think the characters are intended to be role models? How can you tell?

  • Why do you think a terminally ill patient might prefer to die at home without medical intervention rather than immobilized by a respirator?

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