Heathers

Attempting to remake a cult classic is a dicey move -- and though this series has some interesting updates on the original, it's less appealing than the 1989 movie in pretty much every way. Heathers does get one thing right: It incorporates social media into the social dynamics of Westerberg, making the (very real) possibility of being humiliated in front of the whole world an integral part of the Heathers' bullying. Part of Heather Chandler's power comes from having 245,000 followers (some of them even bloggers in New York and Los Angeles, she sneers), which she turns into a bully pulpit to bend the other students to her will.

But a lot of time has passed since 1989, when Heathers (the movie) was like nothing else that had come before it. This series tiresomely calls out to the movie at every opportunity -- there are scrunchies and croquet mallets, a Snappy Snack Shack and Corn Nuts. But it's not enough, and worse, the series strains to be hip in a way that almost screams "middle-aged dudes trying to write for teens." When JD (who's no Christian Slater) meets Veronica, he says about her friends: "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." Yes, those are The Who lyrics from 1971. The made-up slang (the original movie was, of course, famous for making up its own "timeless" slang) hits an equally false note: "You can be such an Ugg boot latte," snaps Heather Chandler. It's no "Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?" This series could be worse, but it could be much better, too, even if it weren't based on a beloved property.