All teen and kid member reviews for The Planet's Funniest Animals

Kids say

(out of 5 reviews)
age 3+
Review this title!
Teen, 17 years old Written byabbacus June 22, 2012
Teen, 14 years old Written byTripFoot December 13, 2012

Hamlet is funnier than this load of donkey crap!

I love Animal Planet. No, correction, I USED to love Animal Planet. I learned so much from it and admired the great shows about all kinds of animals. However, soon something happened: the shows started becoming worse and worse, and Animal Planet went downhill from there. Many of the great animal shows were replaced by boring, repetitive ASPCA-rescues-poor-pets type shows, and shows like this surfaced as well. The Golden Age of Animal Planet was over. The Dark Ages had begun. The guys at AP must've been all like, "Hey, yo, how 'bout we stop makin' those educational shows and replace them with cheaper stuff. I don' think our viewers would mind, they like Beavis and Butthead and Borat and other moronic stuff, so let's add some animal sh*t to the collection!" And so, The Planet's Funniest Animal show was born. The Planet's Funniest Animals is a putrid festering piece of sh!t. You know those gas station bathrooms that are cleaned once a month, and this one hasn’t been in two months, and at least five or six people have had explosive d!arrhea in and around and on the toilet? Yeah. Picture yourself locked inside that bathroom stall for an hour a day with horrible sound effects playing and dumb*ss jokes floating around the stall, and you have just recreated the experience that is The Planet's Funniest Animal. There is no "funniest animals" in this show. What we get is animals doing random unfunny things (example: ducks falling over. Yes. Seriously. Ducks falling over. No one laughs at that except people who are so drunk that they are about to collapse from alcohol poisoning.) and with the host, Matt Gallant, making random comments that don't even have an atom of humor in them. No, seriously. I used to watch this show when I was little, trying to "get" the jokes. There is NOTHING to "get." Matt Gallant does not have a single atom of funniness in his body. Words cannot express what a blithering idiot this man is. For you to get an idea, here is a letter adressed to Matt. (Warning: A long rambling follows.) Dear Matt Gallant, You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed , drooling meatslapper. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half-baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never watched your show. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. You're an idiot. A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder and a pity you can remember to breath. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out. On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I wretch at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, and the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh. On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. Please, just SHUT UP AND DIE FOR ONCE SO HUMANITY CAN FLOURISH AGAIN. Sorry for that long rant. I have no more energy to go on. But in other words, avoid this show at all costs. Hamlet, Shakespeare's great tragedy, has more humor! That tells you a lot about this festering peice of sh*t. Peace.
What other families should know
Too much violence
Kid, 8 years old April 9, 2008
This show is very very boring. The host is boring in everyway possible
Kid, 11 years old April 9, 2008

Pause 5+ one star? Sorry, but that's just plain dumb

I love this show it is SOOOO funny when the animals do silly thing. There is nothing in the show worthy of the "Pause 5+ one star" rating. I say "ON 5+ 5 Stars".
Kid, 11 years old April 9, 2008

An family friendly show (and hey I get popcorn!)

I love this show I egerly await for it to come on its' awesome! I wouldnt suggest it for 5 and under though because they MIGHT not get how its funny.