American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile

The content in this movie is basically in the name; “The Naked Mile.” A movie in the franchise that leans way too heavily in the nudity aspect rather than the comedy. The jokes aren’t funny and are even more raunchy than the mainline series. A lot of the dialog can be considered “pornographic” since the majority of it involves masturbation and/or sex. For example, in the opening scene, we see a teenage boy played by an adult actor who fakes sick to stay home and jerk his “joystick” to a pornographic VHS tape. Right on the front of the case is a naked woman with her bare boobs completely visible and her vagina is barely covered by an advertised “feature” stating there’s hot action inside. Skipping ahead, once the main character pops in the tape and puts on headphones, the advertised “hot action” basically amounts to the porn star being filmed from the waist up (her vagina is never seen nor do we ever see a male porn actor going at it with her) and several shots of her pretending to get nailed as her boobs bounce. Most of her dialog consists of “You wanna fuck me, baby? Oh! Fuck me, baby! Oh yeah! Harder!! Do me, baby, just like that!!” There are a few shots in the porn scene where her bouncing boobs are seen close up which goes to show the film makers were clearly focused on boobs more than the comedy. At some point, the woman changes positions, now doing things “doggy style” as the camera is now filming her face and boobs from a lower angle. Clearly done to get a few good shots of her boobs and nothing more. The last few seconds consist of her saying “You wanna cum for me? Yeah?! You wanna cum for me?!! Ohh!!! Cum for me, baby!!! Ohhh!!!! That’s it, baby!!!!” With the main character saying “Oh! I will! Im so close! Im about to!” Before his parents walk in on him busting a nut as he turns around and spreads his wad on them and kills his grandmother. The mainline series had some dialog involving “cumming,” or ejaculating, but it was done in a clever way that made it funny rather than pornographic; like in the first movie where two high school students, played by adults of course, were giving oral sex in the girl’s bedroom. The boy was giving her the ‘tongue tornado’ and just as she was about to squirt (a form of female ejaculation/orgasm that doesn’t release sperm/semen since women don’t have testicles), her father walks up to her door to tell her dinner is ready and right as he’s about to open the door, the girl shouts “I’m cumming!!! I’m cumming!!!” Obviously she meant she was squirting, but it was clever as her father thought she was telling him that she was coming down for dinner. To continue on with this film a bit more, there are tons of other scenes throughout the film where we see women showing their bare boobs for no other reason than to entice the high school boys in the film, during scenes when sexual activity is either shown on screen (such as the scene right after grandma died where the main character’s brother has two women with their bare boobs kissing him and each other) or it’s going to happen off screen after the woman shows her boobs, and of course every woman in the naked mile is completely naked with their boobs and vaginas fully exposed. Some of the women in the naked mile do have their boobs painted or they’re wearing pasties over their nipples, but their vaginas are still seen as they run. At one point in the film, the main character is seen running next to a college woman for a few seconds. He proceeds to look at her and stare at her bouncing boobs as the scene slows down and focuses on her bouncing boobs in slow motion. There are two back to back scenes of this; one where the main character looks at her boobs with his mouth open, she looks at him as he looks away and she sees he has an erection, she looks away and the main character looks at her boobs again, then the camera cuts back to her slow motion bouncing boobs for a few more seconds before the main character runs into something. On top of the two close up shots of her bare boobs, there are bouncing sound effects that play while her boobs bounce and the music is angelic like implying that boobs are the ‘holy grail’ of the female anatomy. But, in the end, apparently the main character decides not to have sex with the college women and goes back to his girlfriend to do it with her, only to break up with her before the sequel to this movie: Beta House. In short, the film itself is nothing but soft core porn with the main plot being nothing but the main character wanting to get some action from his GF, she allows him to go get some from other women for a whole weekend, he sees tons of bare naked and bouncing boobies which he is obsessed with, and suddenly decides his GF is the one he wants to do it with. On top of that, the script is filled with sexual dialog to the point where it’s considered pornographic, tons of references to ejaculating/busting a nut/cumming/etc., and it’s not done in a clever way like the mainline films before it where it took on a double meaning and was actually funny. I would be willing to say the scenes where there’s nothing but naked bouncing boobs are great for a mid to late teen boy (15-18 years old) that wants to rub one out, but a lot of the actresses have fake boobs which don’t really look as good as natural boobs. The actress in the porn tape in the opening scene does have natural boobs, but those scenes get mixed with scenes of the parents going up the stairs and I wouldn’t recommend a mid to late teen boy rubbing one out to that unless they’re willing to pause it with the naked actress on screen. Outside of that, I wouldn’t recommend this film to anyone other than high school aged boys who just want to rub one out while watching a few close up shots of bouncing boobs. Definitely a terrible film.

Really bad my son's 15 and he can't watch it. Nudity is the main problem and sexual jokes.