Parents' Guide to Legend (1986)

This dreadful dark fantasy has become a "cult classic," but one can't help but wonder why. The 1986 director's cut is rated NR and is 54 minutes longer than the earlier PG release. The real trouble is that costumes, makeup, and art direction far surpass plot in quality and comprehensibility. The Tolkien and Harry Potter fantasies, which also feature frightening confrontations between good and evil, at least exemplify good storytelling, the key component missing from this venture. The dialogue often verges laughably on dumb: "Me and you, and all is barbecue," a sprite says, assessing the probability of being eaten by goblins. And, "What a fine fat boy you are," says a goblin to Jack, who replies, "You don't really mean to eat me, do you?" Cruise signals his unicorn-attracting innocence by playing the role with his mouth permanently ajar in awe, but, really, what more could he do with such a role? You can't miss his gaping because director Ridley Scott dwells continually on Cruise's parted lips in disturbing and fetishistic close-ups of the beautiful young actor's face.

Be aware that kids who find The Wizard of Oz the least bit nerve-wracking may run screaming from the room when one wriggling captured sprite is hauled off by a hulking goblin to be baked into a pie. This is one nightmare-inducing movie for sensitive kids.