SpongeBob: Krusty Cook-Off: Extra-Krusty Edition

Although the flame of my unabridged passion for this sentient sponge shall not cease to squelch my thirst for purpose in this fleeting existence, my impression of this game left me feeling extremely uninspired. After completing the game for the first time, I soon found myself lying face down on my wretched carpet once again, inhaling the sweat-infused fibers of my Persian carpet. I had bought it new from Shadik, a vendor who I passed every day on my walk to work. He insisted his carpet was the best around, and, despite its lofty price, was a great investment. Every day he asked, and every day I politely declined. But the seed of my ruin had been planted, and before I knew it, thoughts of his magnificent carpet swirled endlessly around my head. No thought, no experience, no drug could free me from this desire, until one day I decided I had had enough. I approached Shadik and his carpet once again, but this time it was different. Clutched in my right hand was $7500 dollars in cash – the last of my savings, which was supposed to be used to furnish my empty one-room apartment. Handing the cash over, I welcomed the carpet into my warm embrace and took it back to my desolate apartment, laying it carefully down on my bare, cool wood floor. At first, I was satisfied. Looking at this carpet, I felt my life was complete. Its vibrant colors and intricate patterns served as my entertainment, and the soft fibers felt just as good as the warm embrace of another human. But slowly, over time, the bright colors faded, and the pleasant softness of its exterior morphed into a crusty assembly of threads. Like life itself, the carpet no longer had the same appeal to me, and I was stuck searching for a reason for humanities endless toil under the sun. Nevertheless, the question "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" still gives me a sufficient dose of serotonin despite my negative experience with this offshoot of the SpongeBob franchise.