Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Despite the fun cameos, talented cast, and Sparrow's familiar rum and innuendo-laden jokes, this movie proves that some franchises need to just end. Certainly there's a certain amount of humor to enjoy in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, particularly the sort that pays tribute to Sparrow's love of drink and women -- not to mention a celebrity cameo in which Jack thinks he's bumping into his father (Keith Richards, if you recall) in a Caribbean prison but instead realizes it's his uncle, played by arguably the most famous English singer alive. But that moment can't make up for a sloppy plot that's both convoluted and ridiculously convenient. For example, Carina may not be a real witch, but there is one, played by Golshifteh Farahani, and she manages to help whomever, whenever, for apparently no reason at all. And then orphaned Carina finds her father in the most obvious of places.

It's hard to have ill will toward toward a film franchise that can be such fun when it get things right, but at this point, these films are just formulaic. And without Knightley and Bloom as the young lovers, even the romance feels forced. Thwaites and Scodelario are both attractive, sure, but there's so more to developing romance than throwing two beautiful people in the same scene. There's just not much there, love-story wise. And the same can be said for the movie as a whole. Naturally, Bardem is always up for playing a compelling villain, but Salazar's laser-focused need for vengeance against Sparrow is borderline pathetic. It's obvious that even his own crew of pirate-killing ghost sailors wants him to get over it. It would be wonderful to think this is indeed the final Pirates movie, but considering the box-office rewards, it's possible Depp will be starring in sequels until he looks like Richards.