A Lot or a Little?
What you will—and won't—find in this movie.
As in the Twilight films, the theme here involves overwhelming, passionate romance that borders on obsessive and is at the expense of everything else. Beyond that, there's no evidence of mutual trust or friendship. Instead, characters are mainly interested in sex, ridiculing others, and stereotyping.
Positive Role Models
Like the real Bella character in the Twilight films, Becca's obsession with Edward seems on the unhealthy side; it doesn't feel like a mutually beneficial love. She's willing to sacrifice everything for him, including family, friends, and perhaps her own future. As this is a spoof, there's no meaningful discussion about what the relationship means; it's all jokes about break-ups and sex.
Violence & Scariness
Lots of highly exaggerated, consequence-free violence and spurting blood played for cartoonish comic effect. In one scene, a character has a broken arm with a protruding bone. A vampire sucks a character dry (her skin shrivels up). Another character has his arms, legs, and head ripped off. Characters beat each other up with fists, feet, knives, shovels, baseball bats, and whatever other weapons happen to be handy. A character pulls a gun and shoots a girl in the woods. A character "juggles" a baby in another scene. Characters are kicked in the crotch.
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Sex, Romance & Nudity
In one scene, Becca decides that she's going to "hump the s--t out of" Edward. She leaps on top of him, kisses him, nibbles his neck, and removes his "chastity ring." She also appears in a leather "dominatrix" outfit (including flashing red lights on the bra). But they're interrupted before sex can actually happen, and there's no nudity. In another scene, Edward touches his penis through his jeans. He also strips naked; his genitals aren't visible, but there's a shot of his "saggy" buttocks (the punchline of a joke). References to another character's required shirtlessness. Becca's dad comments on the size of her breasts.
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One use of "f--k" and several "s--t"s. Other words include "wang," "douchebag," "son of a bitch," "damn," "t-ts," "goddamn," "hump," "ass," "bitch," "crap," "oh my God," and "hell," plus one use of the raised middle finger.
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Products & Purchases
The characters regularly display and use name brands, such as Facebook and Twitter, Slurpee, Cheetos, Count Chocula cereal, and Tampax. Edward rides a Segway. The movie directly references the real Twilight films and author Stephenie Meyer, and there are endless pop culture references to celebrities like the Kardashians, the Black Eyed Peas, the Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift, George Clooney, and more.
Drinking, Drugs & Smoking
Some teens are seen drinking at the prom. A teen character hurls a bottle of champagne from the back of her rented limo.
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Parents Need to Know
Parents need to know that Vampires Suck is a very lowbrow spoof of the Twilight films from the makers of previous lame parodies like Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans. It's rated PG-13 but pushes the boundaries of that rating with it's frequent (albeit cartoonish) violence, sexual obsession, and language (there's one "f--k" and several "s--t"s). Teen boys who are sick of Twilight might find some perverse pleasure in seeing it skewered, but the satire here isn't very smart or funny, and there's little of value. To stay in the loop on more movies like this, you can sign up for weekly Family Movie Night emails.
Is It Any Good?
From the writers/directors of Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie, this is an exercise in lowest-common-denominator humor, in which the pop culture reference is king. Merely dropping a name or imitating a scene or a character passes for a joke in these films. (Though newcomer Proske is uncannily good at imitating Kristen Stewart's shy stammer in the Twilight films).
The so-called "filmmakers" have nabbed a PG-13 rating to lure in what they consider to be gullible teens, but they push the limits of that rating to include as much sex, violence, and language as possible, not to mention product placements and pop culture references galore. What's missing is any real humor, characters, or emotions -- as well as any kind of attempt at an actual spoof, parody, or satire. This movie doesn't have the slightest idea what it wants to say about the Twilight saga in particular or vampires in general.
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Our Editors Recommend
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